Stumbling (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 50*

Saturday, September 30th

Riley's POV

It had been quite a few weeks since I woke up with a nightmare about Luke. I had put away most of the thoughts about my old life. This morning, when I woke up with a bead of sweat running down my forehead and the breath feeling like it was completely sucked out of me, I was nervous. I have been trying to look and act tough, and in control of my emotions but it's a little hard to do when I wake up in a frenzy.

Harry wasn't in the bed with me to see me jolt awake in fear. Maybe that was part of what triggered the feeling, but I don't know. I thought I was getting better since I had toned down the frequency of the nightmares, but last night I had one that would rival all the others.

The stress of everything has done a lot to make my mental health go in the shitter.

I stretch my arms out, feeling the other side of the bed. It was still warm. The bedroom door was slightly cracked and I could hear the bathroom shower across the hall in use, along with the deep reverberations of Fleetwood Mac.

I've learned Harry sings Fleetwood Mac in the shower when he is having a good day, Heart when he is horny, Bruce Springsteen when he is in a weird mood, and John Mellancamp when he is annoyed.

It's weird how domesticated he really is once you get to know him, but he hides it all behind that dark and angsty persona he shows to the world.

I fell for it too at first. I thought Harry was intimidating, ruthless, and cold. However, then you learn more things about him that façade shatters.

You learn he was once just a scared and lost child who made a bunch of bad choices to become who he is now. You learn he's sentimental towards little things like his jewelry or books that he hides in his closet because they were his mothers. He pretends that Louis, Niall, and Liam annoy him all the time, but he gets upset when Niall doesn't tell him he is home safe after a job if Harry isn't there to see it for himself. Harry also always makes sure that Louis has water, Tylenol, and a trashcan by his bed at the end of a party night.

Harry isn't as big, bad, and scary as he seems once you get to know him better.

Harry is a cartel member and murders people for a living.

No.

That won't be forever.

Harry wears a mask in every aspect of his life. One at work to seem tough, one with his friends to seem like he has his shit together, one in front of me to seem like a normal boyfriend, and another in front of the world to appear sure of himself and not scared of his future.

The shower ended just as he was getting to the chorus of The Chain. I uncurl from the blankets while waiting for him to return to the room. The sun was peeking through the blinds and the clock read 11:19 am. Normally I would be bummed I slept in so late, but I feel like my body is telling me I needed it. The nightmares and the sleep deprivation is just another sign of knowing I am not doing well, but that's okay, I am just going to bury it deep down.

Harry comes into the room, whistling to himself with a towel wrapped low around his waist. His skin was dewy and his hair was wet, curling around his shoulders. I loved how the sunlight glistened across his torso, his stomach muscles prominent. "Didn't know you were awake, sorry." He muttered out to me while bending over to grab a pair of black joggers from the ground.

The way his stomach contorted as his muscles flexed was hypnotizing to watch. Each movement made his butterfly tattoo spanning his stomach contract and play tricks on my eyes. "You're staring."