Stumbling (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 40

Tuesday, September 19th

Harry's POV

She tossed and turned all night. Once I finally managed to fall asleep myself I woke up to the sound of her crying and trying to be discreet about it. She was curled into the fetal position while clutching a pillow and burying her face in it. I reminded her I am here for her and I didn't want her to have to hide the fact she was upset, sad, and hurt. It's valid.

I haven't ever really been considered a comforting person, but that's all I could strive for right now. I wanted to take Riley's pain away and remind her that I am here for her.

Around 4 am I got a string of texts that ignited my own emotions.

Everett to the GC, 4:07 am: Harry & Niall. 9 am. Warehouse.

Liam: You don't need the rest of us?

Everett: I said Harry and Niall. What do you think?

Niall: Yeah, we will be there.

Everett: I know you will.

The fact he was singling two of us from the four was worrisome, but I told myself I was overthinking and needed to remain calm.

Riley hadn't taken off the necklace since our date. She wore my ring around her neck every day. I focused on that. I focused on the thought of how beautiful she looked sleeping next to me. I wanted to kiss her face, run my hands in her hair, remind her how important she was, anything to keep my mind at bay.

I haven't touched drugs in over two weeks now.

It's been the fucking worst. I sweat when I'm hot and when I'm cold. I constantly am shivering. My mind has a nonstop hammer beating the inside of it. I think I've chewed the skin on the insides of my cheeks completely raw. I picked at my cuticles till they actually began to hurt. My heart feels like it's going to actually beat so fast that it will erupt from my chest and splinter into a million pieces. My lungs randomly feel like they are full of fire and breathing seems next to impossible. I sway between feeling completely disoriented and overly and hyper aware of every single noise and thing around me. All this is just the cherry on top of the first four days which were filled with middle of the night shaking on the bathroom floor after vomiting and heaving over the toilet for hours.

Why the fuck do people do drugs.

Well wait, I know why. They are great in the moment. Hell, they also make for great stories a lot of the time. But this? This is torture. It's a nightmare. It's my actual hell at this point. As much as I want to make this about me, I can't. I have to try and make Riley my only focus.

Who the fuck are you and what did you do with Harry?

Is this how people change and how they grow? It just feels weird to think that after all this time I am becoming a better person, or even a different person. Maybe I'm not. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe I don't even know how to change. I'm trying though. I just have to try.

The morning came quickly and we both were groggy waking up in still sour moods. We had different reasons, but neither were good.

"Good morning." Riley barely whispers while snuggling into my chest. She smelled like cinnamon apples this time. Riley must change her shampoo brands or scents or whatever often, because it's often something new.

I brought my arm in tight to pull her as close as possible to me while our legs began to intertwine like a pretzel. Instead of speaking I simply hum into her hair with a kiss and close my eyes from the pressuring sun that told us we needed to wake up.