The Archives of the Greedy

~Prank Calls~ Pierre Lefevre & Hedwig Bishop

A little bit of comedy today, why not

Featuring Mastermindxoxo's OC's

~-~

Narrator's P.O.V

"I don't know why Malak would give us such a... invention."
"At least he taught us how to use it. Otherwise I'd make Verlice try and figure it out."

Pierre was looking through the book of all the numbers that the phone could connect to, while Hedwig was just.. sitting there. Hedwig raised a brow when Pierre's eyes widened and a big grin formed on his face. He looked up at Hedwig and started giggling before bursting out in a fit of laughter. "G-guess what..." He managed to choke out, the book almost falling out of his hands. Hedwig smirked, leaning forward with his walking staff laying across his lap. "I found the Reginald Manor's number!" Pierre finally managed to calm down and continued. "And that means.. we can annoy the hell out of them!" Hedwig was a little confused. Why would they want to do that? Who would be the target? And what would happen if they recognized one of their voices? "But what happens if it goes wrong?" Hedwig explained. "Okay, and?" Pierre shrugged, grabbing the phone and dialing the number.

The phone rang for a good twenty seconds before it was picked up.

"Hello?"
"Aww, not the target I was going for."

Pierre sighed and his shoulders drooped. Hedwig almost stood up and out of his seat when he heard the voice. "Is that...?" Pierre crossed his legs in his seat. "Yes, Hedwig. It's..." Pierre brought the phone away from him so that the person on the other end couldn't hear. "What's their maid's name again? I remember Judas telling me, but I wasn't really listening." Hedwig rolled his eyes. "Her name was.... Diana, I think? Why?" Pierre smirked, bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Are you still there?"
"Yes. Do you need Alexander?"
"Not yet, Diana. I feel a little bad that I was about to irk you. So.. why doesn't my good friend come and get you, so that you can help us with annoying the living hell out of Alexander and possibly the others?"

It was silent on the other end for a moment.

"Alright...?"

Both men could easily tell she was confused, but they were also excited. They get another person to help them! "Wonderful. Hedwig will be there in a moment. If he's super slow, don't get too angry. He has a pathetic little limp that makes him look like he's taking his first steps sometimes-" Hedwig hit the back of Pierre's head with the back of his hand. Causing Pierre's tricorn hat to fly off his head. Pierre didn't hear the reply Diana sent to Pierre before she hung up on them. "Now hurry up and go and get her! I want to be able to call the Reginald Manor, not wait until next week!" Hedwig yelled an insult back but Pierre ignored him. The French man placed his white and gold tricorn hat back on his head before placing his hands on his lap. Patiently waiting for Hedwig's return.

---

As soon as Hedwig had come back with Diana, everything went down hill once Alexander answered the phone.

"Can someone please help me get this 'child' off my phone?"
"I'm not a child, Alexander. I'm a grown man-"
"Yo, Alex, you're probably bald as shit!"
"I am not-"

Hedwig slammed the phone down before Alexander could hear his and the other two's laughter. "Oh my God, try again!" Pierre waved for Hedwig to dial the number again and hoped Alexander would answer. After a few seconds, Alexander answered. Hedwig quickly gave the phone to Pierre who had a great idea. But he dearly needed Diana's help for it, more than Hedwig's help.

"Hello?"
"Yes, hello?"
"Hey.."
"Who is this?"
"I have your maid, bitch."
".. what? I-"
"I have your maid. Diana."
"Who the hell is this?!"
"Fuck you!"

Pierre slammed the phone down, turning to look at Hedwig and Diana. "I hope you know that this is all a prank. The things I will say, I won't actually mean." Pierre explained to Diana, but was interrupted when the phone started ringing. Pierre bit his lip to stop himself from laughing as he picked up the phone and brought it to his ear.

"Who is this?!"
"If you want Diana back, alive, bring me... your shillings. All of them."
"DIANA?! ARE YOU HERE?!! BENJAMIN, FIND DIANA! I swear to God, if this is Murphy's doing.."
"Benjamin can't help you, bitch."
"Who. Is. This?!"
"Don't worry about who this is. All you need to know is I have Diana. If you want Diana back, alive bitch, you better bring me all your damn shillings."
"No. Where the hell is Diana?!"
"Fuck your maid."
"I'm going to kill you if you don't tell me where Diana is right now. Where are you?"
"Alright... I'm going to give you a clue.."
"..."
"Go to the place that has a forest full of muskets, cannons, and screams that forever haunt its terrain. And you will find your maid there."
"This is so.. bloody ridiculous. Where is Diana?"
"Verlice's Secret Garden-"

Pierre, again, slammed the phone back in place. Hedwig was silently wheezing and Diana seemed to be holding in her laughter as well. Pierre didn't know if it was Pierre's insults or the way how distressed Alexander sounded. But it could've been both. Pierre cleared his throat to get both of their attention. "Hedwig, I will be bringing the phone with me while Diana and I go down to Verlice's Secret Garden to.. finish this prank." When Pierre and Diana made it to the door, Pierre could hear Hedwig give out a hiss of pain. Pierre looked back and saw Hedwig trying to get up with his walking staff, but he was having trouble doing so.

The young French man sighed and walked over to help his friend up with ease. "Thank you." Hedwig croaked, using his walking staff to study himself. Pierre made sure Hedwig was stable enough to be left on his own before walking out the door and out of the Manor to Verlice's Secret Garden. Once the two got there, Pierre and Diana stood by a cannon. Pierre dialed the number and got ready to make his voice sound, somewhat, deeper.

"Where-"
"No more playing games. You don't ask the questions here, I do. Bring me... some florentines and you will have your maid alive, tonight. I'm going to be in Verlice's Secret Garden. You know where that is bitch. Meet me there in 20 minutes."

Pierre hung up on Alexander, once again, and turned to Diana with a silly grin on his face. "I'm sorry to ask this of you, but after I make another call towards Alexander, I'm going to hide right over there.." Pierre pointed to a tree a little far away. "And I'll be watching from far away to see him come and find you." Diana replied with a confused 'sure' but watched as Pierre giggled while dialing Alexander again.

"Hello?"
"Are you coming or what?"
"I-I'm almost here. But when I see you, I'm going to rip your little prick off."

Pierre covered his mouth with wide eyes and looked at Diana who was staring at Pierre with wide eyes as well - also trying to hold in her laughter. Pierre quickly hung up and started snorting from laughter. He looked around, just to make sure Hugo or anyone else wasn't around, before dialing Alexander's number again. This time, he had to keep himself calm and collected.

"I'm here. I'm walking into the Secret Garden right now. And when I see you, I am going to slaughter you. Mark my words."
"By ripping my little dick off? What did you mean exactly? Like, literally or...?"
"I'm going to kill you."

This time, Alexander hung up on Pierre. When he looked up however, he could see a figure running through the trail. Pierre shot up and gave a motion for Diana to stay there. Before she could answer, Pierre darted to his hiding place and sat there. He watched as Alexander was sprinting, looking in every direction, until he spotted Diana sitting beside one of the cannons. Alexander seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and helped Diana help. Alexander, again, looked around with an angry look on his face to see if he could spot who caused this. But all he saw was trees, bushes, cannons, etc. Pierre smiled to himself in victory as Diana and Alexander walked away.

And no way in hell would Pierre tell anyone of this story.