Unattainable Fruit

Chapter 27: Runs & Humiliation

Luna Leslie

Cody's POV

I'm throwing away the last of the trash from setting up, enjoying the feeling of the sun, unable to wipe the smile off my face when I suddenly get an uneasy feeling. Not sure what it is, I dump the last of the trash in the bin before going to find James, hoping I'm just imagining things.

I round the pack house and find a frantic looking Alex, my heart dropping to my feet as I rush towards him calling his name.

He turns around and relief fills his features when he sees me. When we reach each other, he's already talking, leading me towards the packhouse. "I went to check on James, and he had gotten a text saying his parents were ten minutes away. That was almost ten minutes ago. He ran off inside. I think he was looking for you." That's all the information he's able to tell me before I'm rushing off inside, leaving Alex behind to handle the last minute details as I hurry to James' side.

I told him I would be there for him and he couldn't find me. Damn it I should have stayed with him. My guilt eats me alive as I push through people and take the stairs two at a time, stopping only once I get to my floor.

'There's a pack link, he could have reached out if he wanted to.' Jessie tries to reason but I stop him.

'It's not like he got stung by a bee or failed a test. He was abused, Jessie. His body has taught him how to survive in an unforgiving and unpredictable environment. His body and mind are shutting down, the last thing he's doing is thinking of how to logically and calmly figure things out. Right now his body just trying to survive. Flight, Fight, Fawn or Freeze. And from what James has told me, he tends to Freeze and Fawn. So don't judge him or dismiss this, Jessie. I should have been there for him.' I correct him, and I try not to be too upset, recognizing that his lack of empathy is reasonable considered how much I kept him away from the world.

I set aside my guilt, knowing that this moment is not about me or my feelings, but being there for someone who's convinced that they're stuck where they are and can never get out.

It's the least I can try to do for someone that decided I was worth loving and paying attention to.

I open my door and almost trip over James who's balled up on the floor of my room. My heart breaks to shred at the sight, and I almost feel guilty for walking in, as if this is a side of him that he never wanted anyone to see. But I don't walk away, or turn away, instead I close the door behind me and step around James, crouching on the floor when I'm near his head.

"Come on, baby, stand up for me." I whisper, rubbing his head and his back in slow circles, my heart racing in the face of someone's pain and bottled rage.

I struggle understanding and even identifying my own emotions sometimes, easily overwhelmed by small things and almost callously indifferent by things I'm told should move me beyond the stars. So to sit here and know that I have the cards in my hand on whether or not someone feels better is terrifying. Just sitting here I already feel guilty. Because deep down I know I'll fail him.

I take a deep shaky breath and shake my head, trying to clear it, but struggling.

How the hell am I supposed to help someone with their skeletons when I haven't put my own issues to rest?

Shame washes over me, and I start to withdraw my hand as James just lays there, doubt swimming in my mind over my ability to do this.

'Don't worry, Cody. I'm right here. You can do this. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be healed. You just need to let him know that he's not alone, and that you're here for whatever he needs and whatever he decides. Just like I am for you.' Jessie assures me, and the words seem to unlock something, my shoulders dropping the tension that seems to freeze in a permanent state of anxiety.