Unattainable Fruit

Chapter 29: Apologies & Confrontation

Autumn Commander Johnathan

Cody's POV

I watch as James comes forward, and I sit up, waiting for him to do so as well before I reach for his hands. "Hi. How are you feeling?" I ask him softly, trying not to let my throat get any more irritated than it already is. But I have to make sure he's okay.

'What about you? Are you okay?' Jessie asks, still upset that I didn't shift and fight Alpha Richard off. But I knew it wasn't my fight.

Even if I won it wouldn't have helped James. It would have just made it all harder for him. And if given the chance, I would do it again.

He sighs, his eyes not meeting mine though he doesn't pull his hands away. " I couldn't do it. You were choking, right there in front of me. My Mate, the man I claimed to love. And I couldn't move a muscle. How can I sit here and say I'll protect you and be there for you when I just, froze? And Sloan had to take over? How can I look myself in the mirror?" He asks and I chuckle lightly, bringing his hands to my lips so I can press a kiss.

"You have nothing to apologize for. The point of there being two of you is being able to support and be there for one another when you face an obstacle too big for yourself. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders alone. You are not alone. And no one expects you to act like it. I know it's going to take some time to heal, and you might not be able to show compassion to yourself right now, and that's okay. But you owe nothing to me. I love you. And I'm proud of you." I tell him, willing him to hear and believe my words.

His eyes water and I can tell he does, a raw weighing guilt slowly melting off of him as he sees the sincerity of my words in my eyes.

"I love you." I tell him freely, openly, and I mean it.

"I love you, too." He says and the worlds seem to settle him.

"What about your mom?" I ask, realizing that I didn't see her once his father got led away.

James frowns before answering. "I don't know. She disappeared. Probably for the better. I don't think either of us are ready to talk to her right now." He admits, clenching his jaw, and I nod, dropping the subject, wanting to forget about Richard and Leslie.

"How about we go back down to the celebration?" I offer, a little out of character, but wanting to do it, not just for James and Sloan but for Jessie and I as well. So I can get back to soaking in that feeling of what it's like to be connected to something bigger than yourself.

I see James wrestle with himself before agreeing, giving me a long, passionate kiss that almost leaves me breathless, and my heart full.

I can tell he's not fully okay. And honestly I'm not sure I am either. But the only thing that can help is time and healing. And a part of that is knowing when to stop beating a dead horse and just let loose. Which I'm more than happy to do with the man that gives me a thousand new reasons to love him every day.

✨✨✨

It's been a few days since the incident and thankfully things have calmed down. And after James talked to his Commanders, Johnathan agreed to meet with me today and help me train. James also told me it's so the two of us can get to know each other better, and it does make sense.

It's almost comical to me how much anxiety and resistance I had towards the idea of being Luna. I started volunteering at the Nursery & Home after schools on Monday, and have been there every day since, though I told them yesterday I would be busy today. I thought it would be hard being in a place that was like a second home to my mom. I was worried of emotions, those left behind, and mine, but they welcomed me with open arms, a fond story and a clean slate.