The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 81}

Xander's POV:

It was painfully uncomfortable.

I had no idea why Catheline would make me go through this. But sitting in the same room with a person who would not utter a word, even if you wanted to, was bizarre.

"So..." I broke the silence, looking at her. "What did you two talk about?"

Daraa looked at me nonchalantly as she continued her work. We were in her study and for some reason, the fires nearby did not manage to warm me.

"We talked of nothing, Your Majesty," she repeated adamantly, the same thing she told me a few moments ago.

"Then why is she so concerned?" I retorted, leaning forward. "My wife looked as if she was prepared to kill me if I did not speak to you,"

Daraa glanced at me blankly before putting down her quill. "The Queen is simply worried about you. After all, you left without informing her,"

I bit back an argument that I was prepared to begin. "I am ready to explain myself---"

"Don't you remember the last time you left without informing?"

At that, I had no answer. Silence crept in between us once again as I unconsciously leaned back, remembering those bitter memories.

"My wife asked me to speak to you and solve our issues," I changed the topic while tapping on the arm of the chair. "You owe me quite the explanation, Daraa,"

She did not seem bothered by my words. In truth, she did not seem that expressional at all. She looked at me as dead as a corpse. Could it be?...

"Are you alright?" I found myself asking. "Are you ill?"

She did not respond much to those words except. "I am as fine in health as you are, Your Majesty,"

That did not convince me but for now, I can buy that. I signed and tilted my head and glanced around the room.

"What other secrets are you hiding from me, Daraa?" I wondered and my sight settled on her. "What else must I know that would break my soul?"

She gave me a long look, with no emotions involved. It was as if she was contemplating it. But she quietly shook her head.

"I shall tell you all the reasons for whatever I did to you, Your Majesty," she explained and straightened her shoulders. "Ask away and do not waste any of our precious time. After all, you are a busy man,"

I was quite taken aback by her straightforward nature at the moment. And as if I had an epiphany, my mind made one thing clear. I was not at all angry at her anymore.

Catheline was right.

It was my pride that stopped me from rekindling my relationship with Daraa.

"Why didn't you..." I began and quickly stopped, finding my voice unfamiliar. "You are my godmother. Why would you hide such a thing from me?" 

Hearing that made her eyebrows soften. But she did not seem surprised.

"Xander---"

"I was five..." my voice began lowering into a whisper. "I had no clue what to do or what to think. And all I remember is how indifferent and cold you were to me,"

The waves of emotions seemed to have hit her since she began to drop her gaze.

"I had my reasons, Xander," she stated calmly. "Do you truly think I raised you like that on purpose?"

"And what else could it be?"

She gave me a blank look. "I did everything for your sake,"

My sake? And like a broom sweeping away all the leaves, it hit me. A conclusion I refused to see. A thought I did not wish to think until now. Daraa went on, making my thoughts into words.