The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 105}

Xander's POV:

I almost lost the will to think.

It took a lot more than I assumed to convince Matthew Starlyn of what depths I would go to protect his daughter. In return, he requested that five thousand of his soldiers would stay back at Anthreal, part of the kingdom's defense. The rest would follow me, under the command of Eliot. And I agreed.

But when I looked at my hands, I couldn't stop thinking of what I had done. I hated it. One more secret keeping me and Catheline apart.

It was for her good.

Her father knew the risks he was taking to achieve this. And so did I. But if consequences needed change, I was willing to take part in it. He would depart for Peliasse as soon as possible. A King leaving their kingdom alone was nothing more than a risk.

When I returned to my chambers, I found Catheline sitting at the edge of the bed. She didn't notice me until I shut the door. And when she looked up, I knew that she had been crying.

"Are you alright-"

"Are you alright-"

We stopped at once. It was strange. We both were going to ask the same question. And reply with the same answer. 'I'm fine.' Even if that wasn't the case. I smiled lightly and walked up to her.

"Eliot told me that he was going to stay back." she began. "And-"

Slowly, I fell to my knees and rested my hands on her, looking up. The more closely I looked at her, the more tired and conflicted she seemed.

"Did something happen?" she asked, placing a hand over my cheek.

Of course, she would know. No matter how hard I tried to hide it. I shook my head and smiled. I placed my hand against hers, letting her warmth take over my senses.

''It's rather an exhausting day, love," I said. "For both of us. Let's not talk about things that upset us for now,"

Catheline sensed that something was wrong. But I assured her, pulling her palm over and kissing it. She couldn't know. She would die rather than submit to the fate that would come upon her. My wife was strong.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked. I felt her tone becoming softer.

"What do you want our future to be?"

She stiffened but quickly recovered. After pushing me down, making sure that I sat, she sighed and placed her hands on either side.

"Before all of these ordeals..." she looked at the window. "What I ever wanted was to achieve your love. To have an easy and ongoing relationship. To know every part of you, body and soul."

I couldn't help but smile. "Well, you do have everything of me."

"And when all of this fiasco happened, I wanted to protect you. To let you know that I was there for you. That I would stand by you, even when everyone left. To help you love yourself,"

She stopped and looked over at me. "When you declared war, I knew which path we were heading down. You would eventually leave and I might have to take control. But at least, I thought I would have my child."

"And then it was all waves again. One fell. Another rose. One fell. And another came up again. Good things. Bad things. Awful things."

Her eyes looked distant. Cold. Like she didn't want to be reminded of them. Like she wanted to erase the parts of life that made her the most miserable.

"I was wrong, Xander," she looked at me, right into my soul. "I became too overconfident that nothing would happen to me. When Daraa died, she made me promise to protect you. At that time, I thought it was just with my abilities..." She stopped and took a breath. "If I did die that night, what would have become of you?"