The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 107}

Catheline's POV:

I held the pillow in my arms tightly as I stared at the wall. The day I dreaded has arrived. Too soon. I felt my life shriveling because of what I had heard yesterday. The official declaration.

Xander was to leave tomorrow. 

We would be parted for months. Possibly years. And I wasn't sure how I felt.

What would it be like without him? A wife who has constant fear over her husband's well-being? How would I even sleep or eat? How was he going to fare under different conditions?

And the biggest, most frightening question was: what if he doesn't return?

I shuddered, pressing my face against the pillow. It was already late at night. I refused to sleep, even if I wanted to. The day was exhausting, accommodating all of the orders and letters for the future.

I had one duty; being the regent for this kingdom. Xander decided that I would be the best option and already announced this officially. The previous regent, Hilan Corrinton would assist me. 

This would surely keep my mind filled with things and would keep me occupied while Xander was busy with the war.

Everything felt wrong, even if it was right.

I almost dozed off until I heard the door open. My head jerked upward and I watched my husband enter, shutting the door quietly. He probably assumed that I was asleep but when he noticed that I wasn't, he froze.

"You're awake," his lips broke into a smile. "I hoped that you would be."

I pushed the pillow from my lap and slid off the bed. He looked very calm, unusually calm unlike me. Even in the dark, I knew that he felt my nerves tingling. I stood there, watching him for some time before he moved forward.

"You're leaving tomorrow."

He stopped, one foot away from me. "Yes."

"Not a week later. Not a month later. Tomorrow."

He sighed wearily. "Yes."

I looked up at him until he grabbed my arms and pulled me into his arms. I held onto his shoulders as the tears left my eyes at last. And then the sobbing.

"This is a bad dream, right?" I asked, clutching the collar of his shirt. "Please tell me that it is."

"Catheline," he whispered. "Please don't make it harder than it already---"

"I don't want you to leave!" I shouted. "You're such a fool. Why didn't you tell me before that you planned to leave?"

"Wife-"

"No," I stopped him. "You should've told me of it at least a month prior. At least I would've been prepared for this misery, Xander."

"I never meant to make you upset," he placed his hands on my waist. "Do you think it's all that easy for me? No. I don't want to leave you either."

I looked up, cupping his cheek before breaking down again. "I don't want to fight on our last night together for a long time."

Xander smiled, leaning his head against mine. "Me too, love."

We both were exhausted. After all that turmoil, we finally reached an understanding. I wished that he and I could've spent this month differently. Making enough memories to motivate each other when we were apart.

I leaned forward and kissed him. He understood the cue and responded almost immediately. This was the last time we could have the chance to hold each other. I had enough confidence that he would come back. If he gives up on all of our promises, I will never forgive him.