The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 89}

Xander's POV:

And I thought I understood grief.

But it was a book with endless pages.

The more you read, the more you learn.

And the more you learn, the more you fade away.

My mind did not pay attention to how I stood before the family, as each of them expected me to say something after reading the letter they received from their mother. Hours had passed since the incident, but it was the only thing that remained in my thoughts.

I had to read it twice to return to reality.

'My final wish is for both of my sons to pledge utter loyalty to their King and have the honor to fight alongside him in the war,'

After all these years, of suffering still followed me on my path. Just as I thought that I could be at peace, life strikes back with this startling death.

"We are truly bereaved by her death," Luisa Alden spoke kindly. "She did not just have three children, but four,"

I wish I didn't know who that fourth one was.

"We are prepared to fulfill her last wish, Your Majesty" one of the men spoke.

I would have appreciated it. If I already hadn't made plans for my late mentor's family. As one last tribute, I decided to exclude them from the war. Even if it was unhonorable, it would make sure that all descendants of Daraa lived.

It was an apology and gratitude roped into one decision. But it seemed that Daraa made arrangements, even after her death.

Arrangements that took care of me.

"You do not have to do this," I spoke, my voice flat and dead. "You don't have to,"

"But we must," Gregory Alden insisted seriously. "Please. Allow us to show our dedication to you and this kingdom, Your Majesty,"

"There is no honorable death for a soldier than dying on the battlefield," the youngest spoke.

In the end, I had no choice but to give in. I reminisced every single memory of Daraa I could as I watched a blank spot in front of the garden. I was on the top stair, deciding if I should step into the space and relish in the cold. It was the only medicine I could think of for dealing with my despair.

The day turned to night and that too went without my notice. The world blurred around me and I did not know when or how I reached the solace of my chambers. One thing that I knew was that it was late at night. Past midnight. Yet, not even an idea to sleep appeared in my head. I was waiting for my wife until I realized how harder it must have been for her. She had these overwhelming duties to take over. The hopes and order that she had to maintain.

And here I was, barely able to think properly.

I heard the door open and watched Catheline walk in. Her eyes were on me as the doors closed.

"Xander," she smiled and approached me. She sounded exhausted.

I didn't say anything as she sat beside me, caressing my hand. "Are you not asleep yet?"

"No sleep," I mumbled. I was a boy all over again. Same as back in the day when I heard that my parents weren't returning.

"You look gaunt," her smile faded. She held my cheek and rubbed it softly. When he was about to let go, I held onto her hand. I held onto hope.