𝑈𝑁𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑁𝐾𝐴𝐵𝐿𝐸

thirty-four

The sun beamed through the blinds, illuminating the room. Cheyenne stirred in her bed. She rubbed the spot besides her with her eyes closed and loudly sighed.

Her eyes fluttered opened and she stared at the ceiling, holding back her tears. She hasn't been having it easy.

It was way too early to be crying, she thought as she finally sat up and pushed her crazy hair that got out her bonnet, out her face. She grabbed her hair tie on her night stand and tied up her hair.

She got out of bed and beelined for the adjoined bathroom. She turned the hot water on as she brushed her teeth. When she was done, she washed her face.

Cheyenne throughly showered and then stepped out. She moisturized her body and wore comfortably. She made sure to put breast pads so her milk wouldn't leak out her sport bra. She headed downstairs, towards the kitchen and picked her food. She wasn't really hungry. She didn't have a appetite lately

"Have you heard from Donovan?".  Cheyenne slowly wobbled in the living room, towards Eden and Sabrina who were each holding the twins. She had given birth a few days ago and had a water birth in the comfort of her home. However it has been over a month since she's seen him.

Most shockingly and unexpected, Donovan wasn't no where to be found and nobody knew or wanted to tell her where he was. He had missed the birth of his children. The most important part of their lives and she was livid.

His departure was abrupt and confusing which made her even more furious. She held so much resentment in her heart when she shouldn't. She felt used especially since he disappeared right after their night of sexual rendezvous. It felt like the first night however she did the disappearing. Was it revenge?

If so, it was quite childish on his part.

She didn't want to believe that Donovan disappeared on her just like that and so easily, without a second thought. She didn't want to believe the one person she could count on disappeared off the face of the earth with no explanation and to think she was starting to fall for him.

"No we haven't." Eden stated making her heavily sigh. She gently eased her way on the couch and sat besides Eden. She looked to the side, not being able to stand the sight of her own child.

"Do you think something bad happened?" She questioned.

"I don't know. Wherever he is, he will come back". She said, but Eden did not believe the words coming out her own mouth.

The room fall in silence. Each woman dwelling in her own thoughts. There was tension in the room, a knife could cut right through it

"Would you like to hold him, Chey?" Sabrina spoke up, trying bring up the mood.

Cheyenne shook her head and said, "No". She scooted over to the edge of the couch.

"You haven't held neither of them since they were born. They need their mother's love right now." Sabrina expressed and Cheyenne immediately felt guilt and embarrassment.

Guilt consumed her on the daily. She struggled to pinpoint the issue. She felt so happy when it was almost time to give birth but the moment her children entered the world, guilt, anger and hate filled her soul. She tried hard to surpass it but to no avail.

She felt so guilty she wouldn't be able to care nor protect her children in ways she wanted. Anger at Donovan for abruptly disappearing on her when they had made so much progress with their relationship and hatred for her family for abandoning her when she needed them the most. Hatred for her mother committing suicide in front of her and didn't have the decency to try and get help for her sake.