Flung out of space

The first kiss was just an illusion

Writer's POV (continued):

HM: I came home quickly that night cause what you wanted from me, I could not give that to you. I was scared of- not only love but also all kinds of attachments! They pull us backwards. I care about my best friend a lot but not that way. I couldn't confront you after that act. Everything that I said before & during the kiss was all true, a person like you needed to be loved & cherished, but the kiss, itself was NOT TRULY EMOTIONAL! It was just a random kiss, to distract you for the moment, though I felt something but totally ignored my feelings, as I should not be the one to love or cherish you, I wasn't born for love but to be productive towards humanity cause I'm by born talented & should not waste my time on love... So I counseled myself; whatever I felt during the kiss, it was a hormonal thing, nothing more.

KS: & I was so hopeful about that. Btw was that your first kiss?

HM: With you? Yeah, the first kiss!

KS: What does that mean?
Saying that KS kicked her on the leg,

HM: Ouch! Why are you kicking? I had given CPR with mouth to mouth breathing to several people & if that counts then ours was not the first.

KS: you're just disgusting!

HM: I know You loved the disgusting one, your bad luck. But yeah it was my first intensified french kiss!

KS: Santu came to see me in the morning & both of them took me to my previous quarter. Santu was asking me, if I need any help she can stay at my place for the upcoming days but I refused her thinking You might come to see me, but Afsos..... You didn't!

HM: But I asked them about you everyday, there was a conflict going on in my head, which I couldn't even share with you back then, so how could I come in front of you? I thought you'd understand that I was not interested but I didn't know you were so enthusiastic!

KS: Why wouldn't I be? You're my first love & my forever love Hasee, don't you feel desperate towards scientific research, then why wouldn't I be?

Putting my self-respect aside I called you, you answered my call but said you were busy.

HM: yeah, to make you understand that it was just a moment & you should move on! But then even after that ignorance you had proposed to me, it maddened me.

KS: yeah cause I'm not optimistic, I'm always the sure one, I want everything in black or white, no grey shade in between. The day I joined the office, that evening after the work hour I asked you out for coffee & you agreed, though You were hesitant.

HM: cause, whatever was going in my head, but I wanted to spend time with you. I was missing you to some extent, which I didn't realize back then.
Then after the dinner I dropped you at your home & you had invited me inside. When I entered there, sorry to say this but it was kind of messy. From time to time I was losing my focus. Then suddenly you said,

"Can we talk about that day, about what had happened & what had you said?"

I said hesitantly, "Ye...ah, I mean yeah, tell me, I'm here to listen."

KS: I asked you,
"Listen, Haseena, I run out of words when I see you. It was hard for me earlier to process but it's true, I love You. I wished to propose to you officially but then I thought You were always a reserved person. So, you might not like the idea. But I got lucky that you had felt it too. I know, you think you're not worthy of any relationships but let me tell you; you are imperfectly perfect ! You had said that night, that I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be happy but I don't want any of that happiness if it's not with you Haseena! I want to make you happy, cared, and loved. Mujhe Aapse zyada aur kuch bhi nehi chahiye. Would you please accept my love & love me back?"

HM: yeah, but I was such an idiot that I said,
" Karishma, listen to me very carefully, you're a kind soul & someone like you needs to be cherished. Anyone would be lucky to have you around. I respect your love for me but I cannot give it back to you. I'm sorry but I cannot love you back"

KS: But you said, you don't want to be parted from me & you had even kissed me with so much feelings.

HM: I never want to be separated from You Karishma, you're my only friend, I long for you always, & I can say that for the rest of my life but I like you as my best friend! I can never see you at pain. That night when I saw you like that, I got so scared! I didn't get any other idea to distract you for removing the glass piece other than that. Chita told me that the criminals aimed at me, You shouldn't come forward. I was so guilty Karu, I had messed everything. You shouldn't have risked your life for someone like me who couldn't even love you back!

KS: That moment I thought why didn't I born as a deaf! My world was falling apart. I said,
"What did You just say, I shouldn't have risked my life for you? Yeah you're right. Anyways, please don't mind but I want you to leave me alone for the night, from tomorrow I'll be fine, but I need this night to be alone; to process everything. Please just leave DR. Malik. I'm sorry for being rude."

HM: I came back home, I thought emotions & me were like north & south but I felt so much pain, I didn't understand why? Maybe because of seeing you in pain, but that night I couldn't even sleep too.

KS: You're trembling Hasee, & please don't cry. I hate tears in your eyes.

Saying that KS kissed HM's eyes then her cheek & lastly at her temple cupping her face.

KS: See, it's already 7:15am. We should get ready for the office.

*******FLASHBACK ENDS*********

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