Love You Goodbye - Harry Styles (Fanfic)

~Harry~ (15)

I sat there calmly watching and waiting as the cameras began to roll and the questions pour in. It was my first time being on one of these tonight show segments by myself.
"Thanks for sitting down with us today Harry." James smiled cheerfully.
"Thanks for having me." I nodded.
"So you have been pretty busy lately and it's not any secret that you just produced your first solo album."
"Yeah I did. It was a long process."
"Well I gotta tell you for one thing. I love the cover. You are finally giving everyone what they wanted."
I chuckled while stroking my chin, "Yeah I had lot of ideas for the cover but I don't this one is just what we decided on in the end. It was really last minute. We just had to pick something."
"Well it's hot and fabulous. And the track list looks really well thought out."
"Yeah we spent a lot of time recording and getting the mood and tone right."
"It's a lot edgier."
"Yeah it is."
"So be honest Harry."
I smiled at him a bit puzzled.
"What young woman absolutely broke your heart?"
I smirked, "I don't know what you mean."
"Oh come off it man. The album's called As It Was and your half naked on the cover. It's dedicated to somebody."
I smiled again and shifted my eyes towards the floor. James immediately pointed to me,
"That means your guilty now spill the tea."
"I don't know have a name I can give you."
"So it is a woman."
I smiled and shook my head back and forth.
"Let me ask you this then. Is it the same woman you have matching tattoos with?"
I tried to hide the surprise in my eyes all I could was laugh.
"Don't think I haven't watched your other interviews Harry." He waved his hand at me, "You seemed pretty sentimental talking about them."
I ran my hand through my hair,
"You really like jumping to conclusions don't you James."
"I am just trying to provide context for our viewers. You know how they love but do me a favor and stop playing with your hair. We get it. It's long and gorgeous. Your gorgeous. Your abs are gorgeous.
Moving on."
I clapped my hands together before laughing, "I'm so sorry."
"Of course you are. Now there isn't any need for a name just tell us a bit of backstory."
"There really isn't much to say about it. It was a pretty long time ago but I will admit the experience has stuck with me."
"Go on." He encouraged and rested his face between his hands. I chuckled lightly before continuing,
"I was- I was young and naive and immature."
"So this was an early relationship for you."
"You could say that. The short of it is I really cared about this person but in my immaturity I fucked up pretty bad and it hurt really hurt them. They lost all trust in me. I can't do anything to change it but I do regret it and this album kinda reflects different parts and struggles in a relationship. I think it'll be something people can enjoy and relate too."
"I'm sure they will." James nodded and smiled as we made a short cut to a commercial break.
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I don't know what made me go out seeking her all I knew was that I had a flight to Chicago in the morning with the guys. We were all promoting our individual music. I couldn't stop myself from searching her name. Seeing if there was anything I could find about her. I knew she was alright. I don't know why I needed the reassurance. The first thing I saw under her name was Latest Single. I clicked on the link and the title of the song felt like a punch in the chest. You broke me first. Maybe it was narcissistic to assume this was about us or maybe I was right to believe that she had been thinking about me as much as I had been thinking about her. It didn't matter. My curiosity was consuming me nevertheless as I clicked play of the song.

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself
But you should've told me that you were thinkin' 'bout someone else

(I hadn't been thinking of anyone in particular it just happened though I know it's a shitty excuse)

You're drunk at a party or maybe it's just that your car broke down
Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now
I know you, you're like this
When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it
And like me, I did
But I ran out of every reason
Now suddenly you're asking for it back

(I thought we could make things work. Since we weren't kids anymore)

Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
But I don't really care how bad it hurts

(Fuck)

When you broke me first
You broke me first
Took a while, was in denial when I first heard
That you moved on quicker than I could've ever, you know that hurt

(I never moved on. I tried. But it never worked. All I have been doing is blocking the memories out of my mind.)

Swear for a while I would stare at my phone just to see your name
But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say
I know you, you're like this
When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it
And like me, I did
But I ran out of every reason
Now suddenly you're asking for it back
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
But I don't really care how bad it hurts
When you broke me first
You broke me first
What did you think would happen?

(I knew better than to ask you try again.)

What did you think would happen?
I'll never let you have it

(I should've known it would never happened.)

What did you think would happen?
Now suddenly you're asking for it back
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?

(You came back into my life and I thought I was getting one last try)

Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
( I missed you more than anything than anyone and I didn't realize how bad it hurt until I saw you again.)

But I don't really care how bad it hurts
When you broke me first
You broke me first
(You broke me first)
You broke me first, oh

I did break her. Her heart I shattered. Her mind I scared and her body I took advantage of. I let her go even though I wanted to fight for her and have her stay. I couldn't live with the way she saw me and the way I saw myself. I wasn't good enough for her. I never was. I am lucky she ever agreed to talk to me. Meeting her this second time around I blew it up again. Thinking that I had a chance and was worthy of somebody as precious as she was. What a fool I was.
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