Love You Goodbye - Harry Styles (Fanfic)

~Harry~ (59)

I spent the afternoon around London browsing the perfect location. I wanted it to be perfect. To be her. There was park nearby with cherry blossom trees, some of her favorites. A small stream traveled through the center of the park; a wooden bridge crossing over it. It looked beautiful the blossoms in flew bloom trailing over the ground as the wind blew subtly. This would be the perfect place.  I couldn't help but smile as I strode inside but I tried drawing back my excitement. I didn't want her to get suspicious. I walked up the stairs quickly in search of her. I paused in the doorway when I saw her packing her suitcase. I tilted my curiously, "I thought you were off this week." She turned around swiftly, and I could see the redness around her eyes. The tear stains still evident on her cheeks. Her mouth opened but she quickly shut it. I placed one hand at the top of the door frame as my eyes trailed up and down her figure for a moment before resting on her face again, "Leslie what's wrong?"

She opened her mouth again, "I was planning to be gone before you got back." She turned back to face the suitcase and quickly closed it zipping it up firmly. I furrowed my brows as I came up behind her,

"What do you mean?" She turned around and quickly avoided eye contact, "I just can't do this again Harry. Alright. I don't have the strength. I want this to be a clean break."

"Break?" She turned away from me and I placed my hands on her shoulders,

"Please don't touch me." she huffed while shrugging me off,

"Then actually explain to me what is happening because I am confused."

"You really are going to deny this?"

"Deny what Leslie?" I said more firmly,

"That your fucking cheating on me again Harry! Do I really need to fucking say it?! You haven't been home. We haven't spent anything time together. Your always with someone else; talking to God knows who! You're really going to deny it?!"

I felt dizzy all of a sudden as more tears filled her eyes. I could see the anger and brokenness. I gripped my hair and turned away as continued to vent, "I can't believe you would do this to me again. Or how I seemed to fall for it. I wanted us to be real and to last and the worst of this is even if I leave and near speak to you again a part of me will always fucking love you! And I hate it! I hate how I keep loving you and you keep hurting me, Harry. What did I do?!"

I covered my face with both hands, and I felt tears forming in my own eyes. How could she think...this was all going wrong. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I pushed her away and in my efforts of trying to surprise her she has thought I don't love her. This can't be happening. Not again I can't lose her again. 

"I am sorry I wasn't good enough for. I hope you find someone is." She turned to grab her suitcase and tears began to fall down my cheeks. I quickly dropped to my knees and began to cry, "You don't understand. You don't understand." Was all I could repeat, "Please don't leave me. Please don't." I looked up at her hopelessly. More tears fell down her cheeks, "Why couldn't you just be honest with me? If you wanted someone else."

I pressed my hands together, "I don't. You have to believe me I don't want anyone else. I have never wanted anyone else but you. It wasn't supposed to be like this." I looked back at the ground holding back a sob, "You have to believe me Leslie. Nothing has happened. There's nothing going on." I placed my hands on either side of knees and she immediately backed away, "You can't lie to me Harry. I checked your phone. You changed your password without telling me and you have a private app that you are texting strange numbers through!"

"No no." I said slowly dragging my hands over my face as I stood back up, "It's not what it looks liked I wasn't trying to hide anything from you on purpose!"

"But you did!"

"Because I had too!"

"No you didn't have you too! Why? Why would you want to keep secrets from me?!"

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, "Because I was trying to surprise you!" I turned away quickly and pressed my hands against the wall.

"What?" Her tone was softer. I shook my head as I staired at the pale white color. I formed a fist with my left hand and slammed it firmly against the way, "Fuck!" I swore and drug my hand over my mouth as I turned back to her. "I was going to propose to you Leslie." 

Her eyes widened intensely, "The password changes, the app, it was all a surprise. Those numbers were all the guys and Florence, Madison and Sabrina and...Fuck. I was going to propose to you next week. They were all helping me plan. I was out looking at locations today. Last week I was out late looking for the right ring and I just." I felt my eyes beginning to water again, "You have to believe me that I wouldn't do that to you. Not again. I"

"Harry." She said my name empathetically before rushing over to me throwing her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms firmly around her waist, 

"I'm so stupid. I am so sorry. God I can't believe I just ruined this." She pulled away from and covered her face with her hands, "I am fucking awful."

I grabbed her wrists and quickly lowered her eyes more tears streamed down her cheeks,

"You don't need to apologize. I was so blinded by my excitement I never thought about how my distance looked. I just thought you knew. Knew that I loved you."

"I do know. I do and I don't why I thought that it just seemed like...I am so sorry."

I pulled her into my chest, "No I'm sorry." I kissed the side of her head. 

"Can you ever forgive me? I just ruined everything you had planned."

I cupped her face in my hands and brushed her tears away with my thumbs, "You didn't ruin anything and there's nothing to forgive. I shouldn't have been so distant. I could have kept my secret without ignoring you. I never should have done that. I promise I wasn't trying to do it on purpose. I was just so excited to finally do what I have always wanted to do."

She sniffled as a few last tears fell from her cheeks, "I love you. I'm sorry I didn't trust you. This is all my fault."

I tilted her head up higher, "You didn't ruin anything. This doesn't change anything. I still want to marry you."

"Really?" She asked meekly. I kissed her. I couldn't resist it. I kissed her slowly and deeply stroking her hair back behind her ears as I pulled away. 

"There is no one else that I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you. You're my everything and I can't imagine living without you and I want to do nothing more than get one knee right now and ask you to marry me because I am tired of waiting."

She smiled softly, "No I don't want you to do that. I want you to go through with your plans." I pressed my forehead gently against hers, "You sure you don't want to do this now."

"Yes and no. I feel so bad for ruining this. I don't want it to be rushed." 

I kissed the tops of her hands and pulling her closer to me. She wrapped her arms loosely around my neck. I rested my hands on her hips, "You are going to unpack that suitcase, right?"

She chuckled softly, "Yes." I kissed her cheek, and she giggled slowly turning back around to her suitcase. I wrapped my arms around her waist trailing kisses down her neck as she slowly unzipped that bag.