When the Tide Switches - Rafe Cameron

Chapter 26- Open Mouth

"You said what?" I yelled at Jj, understanding that Topper had just said the truth. 

"Lil, you have to understand," Jj said I walked up to him slowly. "Understand what?" I yelled. Everyone looked like they had just been shot, Sarah's mouth was wide open, Kie had an afraid look on her face, Pope was looking at Jj with disgusted eyes and John B looked stunned. 

"I was just trying to irritate him-" Jj said before my hand reached his cheek and I slapped him, making a loud smack sound. Everyone gasped at what I had just done, 

"You're fucking dead to me Jj," I said before walking off. Jj touched his cheek and looked between me and the floor a couple of times. "Lil, please," Jj begged. I ignored him and left the station, tears coming to my eyes. Rafe, Topper, and Sarah all jogged towards me. 

Meanwhile, I could hear Kie and Pope yell at Jj. 

"Lil," Sarah, Rafe, and Topper all yelled behind me. The three of them came up to me and gave me a long hug. "Do you want me to drop you off at home or do you want to stay at mine?" Rafe asked me softly while placing a kiss on my forehead and wiping the tears off my face. "Why didn't you tell me?" I mumbled. "Huh?" Rafe answered. "Why didn't you tell me what Jj said, you should have told me," I said to Rafe, looking at the ground. "I didn't want to alarm-" Rafe tried to explain before I interrupted him. "I want to be with Sarah right now," I said, my tone wasn't present. Topper and Rafe looked at each other hesitantly. 

"Ok, I love you," Rafe said, he hugged me and placed a kiss on my forehead once again. "Mhm," I hummed. I was numb. 

To some people, it may have seemed like I was overreacting. But that phrase brought me back. It brought me back to that period. When I was like a paintbrush, dipped in dark ink. Slowly, every part of me was gone, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a different Lillian. One whose colors were brushed out of. 

"Lil, I'm sorry," Topper tried to say before Sarah took my hand and we left the station together. "Do you want to go to our spot?" She whispered in my ear as I placed my head on her shoulder. Everyone needs to get themselves a Sarah. 

I nodded softly and so did she in response. Our spot was an abandoned treehouse that we had transformed into a girl's room when we were little. If either one of us was upset then we would go there together and talk. It was away from our houses so no one could easily find us there. We got to the treehouse after a fifteen-minute walk which I appreciated, just to clear my mind. The walk was quiet, that's what me and Sarah had, we didn't need words to understand one another. 

We got to the treehouse and climbed up the fragile wooden stairs. We cozied up on the pillows and I could see Sarah thinking. "So? What do you think about the situation?" Sarah asked with a soft and delicate tone. 

"I don't know if I'm being honest," I said with a chuckle. She smiled at me. "I'm just mad. Tired of it all." I said. "What do you mean?" Sarah asked softly. 

"You know what Jj said?" I asked and she nodded sadly. 

"Daniel once said that to me. Something like that. It was once I tried to move on from him, the first night I did." I said without a single sound of life in my voice, Sarah looked at me with wide-open eyes. 

"I don't really remember how it all went down. But I feel the same way I did that exact day. Except, I moved on. I don't love him anymore. But somehow I feel like I'm still moving on. Do you get what I mean?" I said with a chuckle, even though tears were forming in my eyes. Sarah held my hand tighter than she ever had. 

"I take a step forward. I move on. I fall back in love, with someone different. So much better. Someone I would fucking die for. But then all it takes is for me to see one thing that reminds me of him and I feel like, I fucking feel dead. I don't have it in me anymore. To get flashbacks to when he touched me. To think about his skin on mine. To be constantly reminded of his existence. And Rafe, he's just what I want in a person. He treats me so well, he's all that I need. I get that our being together was a shock to everyone, I truly get it. But what no one understands is that our love just showed up. It was out of the blue, random, but that doesn't make it any weaker. I don't even care about what Jj said, as bad as that is I'm not fucking surprised. But does he know how many fucking panic attacks I've gotten over the last few weeks?" The words just left my mouth without me realizing it, it was like I was talking to myself.