"I Just Gotta Get Out of L.A": a Jatt Mpregfic

4) Don't let 'em know you're not doing all too fine

Matt

It's the weekend and thankfully, I don't have to be on set.

I was planning on spending the day with Josh at Griffith Park but plans changed.

"Josh, come on. Let's get some fresh air. You've been sitting there with a pencil and paper for an hour. I'm getting bored and tired of watching you throw the paper into the trash can." I poke his elbow and I finally decide to disturb him.

He's been sitting in our apartment at a desk with his journal since breakfast this morning, he hasn't told me why though. I don't think that this activity has anything to do with the baby. Sometimes, he has these days where music is everything and I am the second priority. On days, like these, I have to literally drag him out of the apartment, or else he'll be stuck like this till he finishes a song.

"Josh, you need to get some exercise. Sitting like this all morning is not good for you or the baby." I poke his shoulder again since he didn't respond to me when I tried to kiss him.

"How do you know that?! You aren't the one carrying the baby! Don't tell me what to do!" I hear Josh snap loudly at me and watch his pencil hit my eye.

Ouch!

That hurt, not the pencil but his yelling. He's never yelled at me like that.

Sure, we've had fights as E.J and Ricky on set and at rehearsal but we've been a relaxed couple over the last few years.

"Shit. I'm so so sorry. Matt, are you alright? Is your eye okay? Do you need ice?" I feel him touch my back as I hold my eye which is stinging like a bitch.

"I need a moment." I hold my eye that's hurting more than it should and get up to find the bathroom with my good eye.

I really want to tell Juls about Josh's pregnancy. Then I have someone to confide in who isn't my partner but I know that it's breaking a boundary if I tell her without consulting Josh first.

Usually, I let it slide when Josh and I have minor arguments like these. This time, I can't just forgive and forget about it. I was trying to help him get some exercise and he wouldn't budge. Then he snapped at me and yelled. I know it's his hormones that are affecting him. It's weird. I've never seen him like this before.

I read online that sitting during the first trimester is not good for the baby. The morning sickness, cravings, and frequent bathroom breaks are normal for him now. There's a lot of change going on. And if anyone has ever met, Josh before then they already know that he does not like change.

I have seen him have panic attacks and come to me to cry about missing home when we were in Utah but nothing like this has happened before.

"Motherfucker." I uncover my eye with my hand and see a medium-sized scratch from the pencil lead on my left eyelid.

The scratch is very noticeable too.

My makeup artist is going to have to cover it up on Monday.

I am also going to have to avoid touching my eye for a few days too.

"Matt, are you okay? I'm sorry for yelling at you and throwing my pencil. It's my hormones acting up and my frustration." I hear a quiet knock and look over at the bathroom door where Josh is standing there holding a pack of frozen peas.

He looks adorable in the 'Trust the Process' shirt that I got as a gift from season one of HSMTMTS. His weight gain isn't even noticeable while he's wearing it. The shirt is 2x his size anyway.

"Hmmm. Yeah, Josh. Give me a minute." I kick the bathroom door and let it close loudly without even bothering to get up from the bathroom vanity seat.

I didn't mean to close the bathroom door on him, I needed some space to think alone.