"I Just Gotta Get Out of L.A": a Jatt Mpregfic

7) Guess I've run out of things I can say

A/N: I'll blow out the candles. Happy birthday to me.

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Joshua

It has been the hardest month for me, despite the fact that I tell Matt every day that I am fine with all the work my label makes me do. Indigo Records had a single release party for my new song, "Hope" last week on October 17th. It was a big hit. Although, I totally forgot that my belly was gonna grow even more. Someone at the party made a comment about my weight gain. It hurt to hear it in person instead of online.

Because of that comment, I haven't worn my own clothes in a week. I have been wearing Matt's hoodies and T-shirts that are too big for me.

I feel bloated instead of fat. I feel hungry and anxious and need to pee all the time.

I feel like people see me as the guy who gained weight, not the musician who is about to go on a mini-tour in a month.

Today, I am skipping my mini-tour rehearsals to go to my first ultrasound with Matt.

My bump is noticeable, which means that we have to tell the public about the pregnancy soon.

My morning sickness has become afternoon sickness.

And I have to pee more than usual.

I haven't told Matt about my body insecurity yet. I don't want him to protect me. I'm not a child. I can handle myself.

"Babe, you're unusually quiet today. Aren't you excited to see the baby? I am. Juls wants to see our first ultrasound picture." I feel someone touch my hand as I sit in Matt's car staring out the window,

Oh, yeah.

"We are going to have to tell people very soon." I grasp onto his hand and touch my belly with my other hand.

I'm wearing one of his oversized flannels today. I think I saw the paparazzi get a picture of me in it as we were getting in the car.

I hope my stomach isn't showing in any of those pictures.

"Yeah, we are. I am going to be here right by your side when you tell your manager, family, and friends. We are doing this together. We are going to be great parents." I hear Matt encourage me to do this but don't feel ready to tell my parents about this.

Luckily, my manager hasn't said anything about my weight gain yet.

"My manager is not going to take this news well. I know her. It is going to mess up my image. I'm gonna lose thousands of fans. I won't be known for my acting or music work anymore. I'll be known as the chubby freak man that got pregnant after coming out to the public," I glance at the clock and see that my appointment is in 15 minutes.

"Josh, babe. You are not chubby or fat or a freak. You are pregnant. You have a rare condition and you should be excited to see our child. It's okay to be scared or insecure. We all have feelings. I just don't want you to be too harsh on yourself. I want you to love your body but I know it won't happen everyday. I will help you through this." I lean over my seat to cuddle into Matt's arms while I listen to him talk.

He's honestly the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.

I would be depressed without him.

"You are amazing, Matt. I guess I've run out of things I can say that won't make you cry. I wish I was happier in L.A" I admit to him for the first time since we started dating in 2021.

"I know. I wish people were nicer and more accepting here. I will always be here for you and our child. No matter where you go, even if you move out of L.A" I cuddle into Matt's shirt and listen to his heartbeat while he talks.