"I Just Gotta Get of L.A, I've been thinkin' of running away, I just gotta get out of this town. Lately, everyone's bringing me down." ~ Joshua Bassett
"I love L.A. My work is here. My friends are here. My cousin is here. You are here. TopGolf is he...
A/N: I'm sorry if this is sad :( but in my defense, I said I wouldn't write cheating or breakups in this book so I had to do something to stir things up.
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Matt
I have been in Arkansas for four days and I am a mess. I missed home so much.
My favorite grandma on my mom's side passed away the night I arrived. It was unexpected and scary since she was all alone in her nursing home room. I was the first person to break yesterday. It was the first time I cried at my own home as a man. I can't remember it all.
My sister is crying in her old room.
My parents won't talk about the baby.
But they have so much on their hands right now, so I get it.
There's a funeral service today and a memorial thing at my house.
I also turned my phone off on Tuesday because I needed some time to think and be alone with my thoughts.
Josh doesn't know any of this. I decided not to stress him out more because he already has alot to deal with.
I texted Sofia and Saylor to check up on Josh when I landed from my flight. I am not sure how he's doing but I am currently stressing out.
I have to be at this funeral service and memorial, talk to my parents about the baby, spend time with my siblings, get back in time to shoot scenes for the movie I star in, and be there for Josh when I am a mess.
"Hey, have you told Josh yet? I told my girlfriend that I wouldn't be able to make it to trivia date night since it was a family emergency. Matty, are you crying? It's cold out here. Come inside." Clem walked over to where I was hiding.
She knows me too well.
I'm reading The Hunger Games again in my hammock that I hid by the creek behind the house.
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I know the story by memory and love the franchise but I am not really reading it. I just grabbed it from my old bedroom and hid to escape from my parents.
My mom's talking to relatives in the house. My dad's working on tax stuff to pay for the funeral. My brother is helping out with my grandma's apartment since he doesn't want to talk to relatives. My sister and I are here because we have to help out with the memorial dinner..
I miss my grandma a lot. We were really close and she always supported my crazy decisions. She loved HSMTMTS even though she didn't understand it. She even Facetimed me for the season 4 premiere almost a year ago.
I taught her how to Facetime the last time I was here.
"Matt, you know it's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. Please don't block me out though. I missed you while you were in L. A and Utah. I don't want to force you to talk. I need you, little bro." I feel the hammock dip and can tell that she is sitting beside me now.
