"I Just Gotta Get Out of L.A": a Jatt Mpregfic

21) I know that I'm too late but I'm sorry

Josh

Sof and I are out shopping for baby necessities. It's a nice break from press interviews and time at home on Zoom calls with journalists, radio, and TV stations.

I haven't told her about Matt wanting to stay in Arkansas longer to stay with a family that cares about him. Not his homophobic extended family.

Sof and I have mainly been talking about baby names, the album release party which is really soon, and her modeling work.

I refuse to talk about my engagement my mental health and being without Matt.

Sof tried to bring those topics up when we were sitting in my car alone but I immediately shut her down and told her to give me baby boy names.

I still haven't decided on a name yet.

It's a hard and permanent decision to name your child.

I love Matt and I am happy we are engaged. But if anyone sees me with a ring or hears anything. It's a hot mess in the media.

I'm wearing my silicone ring on my ring finger though. Hopefully, it's not too obvious that I'm engaged.

I'm wearing it because I miss him and don't want anyone to see the real ring besides Sofia and my family.

I don't even have social media apps downloaded.

My manager manages my accounts and posts. I only comment on them if I have to like in an interview or some Twitter live thing for my fans.

"Are you going to have a cake or cupcakes? Are you going to have the cast there? What are the colors? " I watch Sofia nudge my shoulder while I zone out and look at my home screen It's a picture of Matt holding Franklin.

Yes, I still have him. I found him in a box from the movie a few days ago and put a blue bow on his neck for the baby.

I have a screen protector so no one can see my screen too.

"Hmmm?" I look up at her while we walk through a cute shopping center that she found that has baby boutiques.

"You know..." I watch her wink at me.

I know she is talking about my wedding but I am avoiding that subject.

"I don't know. My cravings are somewhat back. Maybe both to satisfy people." I walked faster since I saw someone take a picture of us from behind a tree.

Shit.

Paparazzi.

In Atlanta.

They follow me everywhere.

"I am cold. Let's shop here" I walk towards a store that sells baby toys and stuffies.

"You ok, Josh?" I watch her take my hand to calm me down since I am starting to get anxious.

I walk as fast as I can towards the baby toy shop and shut the door behind us.

Thankfully, the doors are not see-through or made of glass.

It's a small cute pastel boutique, full of toys and stuffed animals for babies and kids.

"Oh, thank goodness." I lean against the door to take a breather.

This hasn't happened since I went on my first date with Matt back when we were shooting HSMTMTS. It also happened when I made Franklin. Someone took a photo of me while I was out with a friend. One thing led to another and then everyone found my location and I got stuck in a store or restaurant for hours till people left.