bob's burgers incorrect quotes (cast + characters)

36

dan's birthday chapter, happy birthday to my fav fr

Dan: i laughed when jon fell down, i'm going to hell

John: i just listened to 'the stranger', laughing is not what you have to worry about going to hell for.

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Dan: haha nice joke, bro

Dan: now try saying something  true and beautiful

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John: OH MY GOD I JUST BROKE BOTH MY LEGS

Kristen:  are you alright!?

Larry: what happened?

Dan: how'd you break your legs?

John: sorry i lied, i just wanted attention

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Eugene: okay for this upcoming comedy show i'm gonna need one of you to pick me up some gasoline, matches, and rope

Kristen: yeah just give me the money first, how much do you need?

Dan: i already have those things, actually, just let me know when you need them

Loren: i'd buy it but i don't have time

Larry:

Larry: is no one gonna question dan?

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Dan: i'm gonna ask the unidentifiable sinister presence in my room if it's mad at me

the next day

Eugene: is it?

Dan: it tolerates me

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Dan: i pretend i'm edgy but in reality...i go to bed at 8:30 pm every night

Jon: no one thought you were edgy in the first place.

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Dan: free my boy, he did everything he was accused of but still-

Kristen: that's nice dan, but we still need to pay jon's bail

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Jon: the n in my name stands nice- that's why it's not there

Dan: jon benjamin

Jon: shut up.

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John: guys i got arrested for vandalism again, can an adult come bail me out

 Kristen: i'm on my way

John: a real adult, please

Dan: larry and i are on our way

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Larry: people with an n in their name are the worst

John: this fucking asshole

Dan: that's just the rest of the main cast, isn't it?

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Dan: the glee finale makes me mad

Dan: i will never forgive the state of ohio

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Dan: i dare you to-

John: kristen isn't allowed to do dares anymore

Kristen: apparently i have no regard for my safety

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Dan: i made myself a sandwich

Kristen: what kind?

Eugene: hope it's good

Dan: can you guys leave me alone for five fucking minutes?

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Dan: my outfit today is gonna be a flannel and blue jeans

Eugene: i love your commitment to always dressing like a conservative

John: oh lord

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Dan: what hurts more than a heartbreak?

Eugene: getting skinned alive, probably

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Kristen: speak now tv dropped today, count your days john!

Dan: Benjamin, Roberts, or Mayer?

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Larry: when i get overwhelmed i want everyone to die

Jon: it's never that serious

Dan: i'm the same way and trust me, it is that serious

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Dan: how much sleep you'd get last night?

John: three, believe it or not

Dan: straight?

John: no, i'm gay

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Dan: i remember that night too well

Eugene: invest in a lobotomy! it'll help you forget

Kristen: oh my gosh, i did this and now i forget things six minutes after they happen

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Eugene: why aren't koalas considered bears?

Dan: their marsupials

Eugene: ...they don't have the koalafications

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Loren: sit down, i have questions for you

Jon: deny everything, dan!

Dan: those aren't chairs!

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Dan: why do jon and john argue so much?

Eugene: they're an old married couple