bob's burgers incorrect quotes (cast + characters)

41

late kristen birthday chapter <3

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John: unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys

Kristen: blocked.

John: some are good girls!

Kristen: unblocked!

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Kristen: does anyone know how to play trumpet?

Jon: why?

Kristen: because dan and i argued and i wanna annoy him.

Jon: well you don't need to know how to play trumpet to do that

Kristen: jon, you've opened my eyes

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Kristen, looking at her missed call from John at 2 a.m: oh my god, you gotta be shitting me dude.

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Dan: what are you doing here?

Kristen: i could ask you the same question

Dan: this is my house, i live here

Kristen: i should probably ask you a different question

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Kristen, texting Dan: got any plans tonight?

Dan: no.

Kristen: loser !!

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Dan: do you wanna tell Loren what happened today?

Kristen: huh? oh, yeah i got fired from south park

Dan: what? no! the other thing

Loren: what? what happened today!?

Kristen: oh...me setting John's kitchen on fire?

Dan: YES

Kristen: oh...yeah i set John's house on fire

Loren: what? how?

Loren: did you do it on purpose?

Kristen: no

Loren: was anyone hurt?

Kristen: no

Loren: oh..okay

Dan: WHATTT

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Loren: what's your biggest fear?

Kristen: me and john's text messages getting leaked

John: yeah that's what made me realize we're going to hell

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Kristen: guess what i have

John: a cure for cancer?

Kristen: better.

Dan: 100 million dollars?

Kristen: better.

Eugene: a masters degree?

Kristen: better!

Jon: oh my god what is it?

Kristen: 154. imdb. credits.

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Kristen: i don't play world of warcraft

Jon: what? but kristen you said you're on your computer all the time

Kristen: yeah but i'm playing hello kitty island adventure!

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Dan: wow, the public really hates my stand up

Kristen: perhaps they're biphobic

Dan: what? kristen, i'm straight

Kristen: you are?

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Loren: I can't believe this you two! you're being accused of armed robbery, vandalism...

Jon: we were having a bad day

Loren:...AND GRAND THEFT AUTO!?

Kristen: it was a really bad day

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Kristen: it's women's history month! you owe me $5!

Jon: ooh sorry buddy, i'm 20 trillion dollars in debt

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Kristen: you guys don't wanna mess with me, i'm crazy-

Eugene: yeah kristen will straight up cry in public don't mess with her!

Kristen:

Kristen, tearing up: why would you say that? 

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Kristen: there's no way he sees me as his best friend

Dan: Kristen, John would throw himself in front of a moving car for you!

Kristen: John would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun!

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A random critic: You got any zingers for the crowd, eugene? no? okay what about you john?

John: yeah i got one! you're a fat dumb fuck

Kristen: AHAHA-

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Kristen: you're anti-social, anxious, and abnormal! that's three A's, dan! you're out!

Dan: shut the hell up.