Unlocking the Powers of my Subconscious Mind

Day 42 - Cursed in Heaven‼️

We may have lived 100 years, but when we are asked to talk about something, we usually tell the same stories and the same moments again and again.
 
If you talk about yourself, you will say something from your past memories, right?
 
What are those memories that you enjoy sharing with others?
 
Those are the only moments you lived, not just survived.
 
For me, it's my first and only month of work experience.
 
After gaining tons of memories, which I will recite forever, I quit the job, and I still miss that environment.
 
I like to blame my subconscious mind for quitting the job I love. I will unfold the reason at the end.
 
It was the environment in which I lived, not just survived.

It was heaven—a land filled with angels. Angels that cared about me. I got my offer letter on my birthday. It was the last birthday on which I was really happy and it was also the last birthday on which I cried.
 
I joined in on my first job after a week or two since my birthday.
 
I can't share each and every moment I enjoyed there because the list is endless.
 
There are certain human beings who I loved there, and none of them are with me now. They will forever have a special place in my heart.
 
Person number 1 is the owner of my PG. She is so kind and caring, and sometimes her care resembles the care of a mom. The food in my PG was excellent, and I never missed my home food. But one day, I didn't enjoy the food. She noticed that and suddenly came close to me. She got a different side dish (Idli Podi) from one of the PG residents and placed it on my plate just to make me eat. She also used to give me extra chicken. She fed me with so much care, and still I miss her often.
 
Person 2 is my roommate. She is the only human being in this whole world to notice my feelings. Not even my parents can tell how I feel, but she can. She instantly noticed it, even before I grasped my feelings. She is the only one to ask whether I was alright at the right moment. When she asked, the answer would be a definite no, and she would have sensed it somehow. She is so special for me because she cares about my feelings much more than myself. I still miss her, and she was my roommate only for a week. Exactly six days after that, she quit her job.
 
Person 3 is my workmate, and she is also a kind soul. She is my senior, and we are not even from the same batch. She was a friend of a friend to me and we used to eat together. One day, she fed me chocolate right into my mouth. When you are away from home, when you feel like you don't have anyone to take care of, that little dash of kindness is enough to make you fall for them. She cared about me, which was pretty rare for me because I had so many bitter experiences in college. She always offers her food, though I reject it. Sometimes she insists and feeds me. She is also an angel in that heaven.
 
I never said this to anyone. Not even to my family. But now I feel like telling. Once in my office, my manager talked a bit rude to me. I was hurt and crying. Three of my batchmates dragged me to the higher officials to raise a complaint. We are there in the higher officials room, and I don't have anything to say. But they stood for me, and they made a huge scene there. It felt like a mass scene from a movie. I will forever remember those moments in my life. They treated me way too special, and I still don't know whether I deserved all that.
 
That was the only place where I felt less a woman and more a human. I will forever crave that feeling. I again want to go back to that city, and I want to settle there. Though it's a stereotype, I believe that the entire city is filled with angels.
 
Missing my home that's far away from my house.
 
After getting everything that I always wanted, I quit my job. I was cursed, and I will blame that curse for quitting my job. It was the day before joining. Someone I love said that I was eligible only to cook, clean, and be a housewife, and nothing more than that. Those words still echo in my heart. Still, those words bring tears. Still, that wound feels so fresh, like it happened just yesterday, even though it happened four years ago. That was one of the biggest curses that I ever got, and he meant it. He didn't joke, and he said it with so much anger that it really sounded like a curse. I still love that person because you can't hate people who will be with you forever.
 
This is the only journal that I am writing with tears. This is the only journal that is making me miss my past self and making me feel like I am miserable right now with nowhere to escape.
 
His words came true, and my subconscious mind was corrupted by that curse. I am still trying to heal from all those bad memories. I am trying not to give power to his curse. I am trying to live before I die.

Bye byee
 
-AramintaFlores
(Nov 3.2023)
 
12.55 a.m. Going to sleep
(After writing this, my heart started to ache so bad, and it took so much time to sleep.)