Chapter 17 | Happier

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CHAPTER 17
Happier
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The moon was the only source of illumination for the whole room, but since your vision have adjusted to the dark, you were able to see at least the figures of everything around you. You could see Suga standing across you as you sat on the chair of the large piano, your back facing the instrument.

Suga leaned against the window frame, gazing out to the sky. "How have you been, (Y/N)?" He asked softly, a small smile on his face despite the loneliness evident in his eyes. "How's school been for you? Did you get high scores on your tests like usual?"

Of course, your ex-boyfriend didn't know how much you changed on that aspect. No one who knew you would've expect you to suddenly neglect your studies like that, specially when you've been a top student almost all your life.

"No..." 'but that's not really what you wanted to ask me, is it?' As usual, you could only say limited words as your heart drummed nervously against your chest. Your voice was cracking, and you were thankful that you weren't seeing clearly right now, lessening the awkwardness you felt.

"Hmm? Why?"

"I-I don't really go to school much anymore... or even study." You mumbled, sighing before taking a deep breath. "Is that really what you wanted to talk about?" You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes, seeing his figure shift as he seemingly turned to you.

Sugawara smiled and nodded. "Of course, I wanted to know how you're doing."

You looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry for everything."

The grey-haired male took a deep breath before walking towards you, but you kept your gaze on the floor, and then he crouched in front of you, his smile slowly vanishing. "I still can't accept it... Our relationship just ending like that."

"Without explanation... Without anything."

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing you could say as you listened to his breaking voice. He looked up at you with eyes filled with pain as he reached for your cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb.

"I need you to explain so I can let go, (Y/N)."

Your heart clenched, and tears started to form at the corner of your eyes once more. Even when you didn't feel the same way you used to for him anymore, seeing him like that right now broke your heart knowing it was all because of you. Now that you were calm, now that you weren't filled with stress and frustrations, now that you finally got the courage to face him, it all came down to you. The regret, the guilt, the hatred for your own actions. He didn't deserve any of your harsh words or treatment. He didn't deserve being left just like that.

You sniffled as your tears started to fall, averting your eyes that was filled with regret. You couldn't look at him directly, it pained you even more, drowning you in remorse and contrition. "I... I don't... understand myself either..."

Suga wiped off your tears that fell, his touch being so gentle and careful. "Please don't cry, (Y/N)."

You sobbed. "I can't. I just— I feel so much regret." You felt undeserving to even be treated too sweetly by him right now, when you already pushed him away harshly before. "I was so selfish, I had problems and felt like I was the only one in the world who did."

"(Y/N)..." Sugawara moved his hand from your cheeks and down to your hands, clasping them both in between his as they rested on your lap. The whole time, he didn't remove his gaze from your (E/C) eyes, because whenever he looks at them, to him, he was looking into his world. "Did I... lack on anything? Did I do something you didn't like? Was I not enough?" His voice was breaking even more at each question, but he kept his own tears from falling. "Tell me, (Y/N), where did I go wrong?"

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