Life Series Oneshots

Incorect Quotes

Because I can.

Impulse, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Gem: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Martyn: Ren  and I are no longer dating.
Ren : Martyn, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Jimmy: What do you want to be for Halloween?
Tango : Yours.
Jimmy:
Jimmy: …Yeah, that would be pretty scary.

Joel: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Grian: Okay.
*later*
Jimmy: Grian! Sit down on the chair. You're in trouble.
Joel, whispering: Deny everything.
Grian, loudly: That isn't a chair.

Impulse: *lying down and crying*
Tango: There, there. Why don’t you take some time off to not be around me while you’re like this?

Gem: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one, you'll be fined.
Pearl: Heck.
Gem: You're on thin f---ing ice.
Gem: Oh no-

Etho: *tapping fingers on table*
Tango: *taps fingers back furiously*
Skizz: …What’s going on?
Impulse: Morse code. They’re talking.
Etho: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -
Tango: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Scott: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Impulse: We could attack them with hummus.
Scott: I stand corrected.
Impulse: Just keeping things in perspective.

Ren : Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Martyn: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like, I just start acting stupid.
Ren : But you’re always acting stupid?
Martyn: ...
Martyn: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Tango, throwing his head into Jimmy's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Jimmy, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty annoying. That's what you are.

Gem: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!
Gem: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Tango: Skizz told me to stop being immature, so I told him to get out of my fort.

Scott: Why don't I like this person?
Gem: I don't know. Maybe it's because he keeps stealing your thunder.
Scott: Maybe it's because his name is "Impulse". Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?
Gem: No.
Scott: That's because your name is "Gem".

Etho: If we’re in trouble, just throw Skizz at the problem and hope for the best.

Jimmy: Hi, who's this? Grian changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.
Joel: What's mine?
Jimmy: Dwarf.
Joel: HE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!
Jimmy: Oh, hey Joel.
Joel: F---!

Tango, texting Impulse: Any plans for tonight?
Impulse: No.
Tango: Loser.

Tango : I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Jimmy: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Tango : Oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Jimmy: Is it working?

Gem: Christmas is canceled.
Cleo: You can't cancel a holiday.
Gem: Keep it up, Cleo, and you'll lose New Year's, too.
Cleo: What does that mean?
Gem: Pearl, take New Year's away from Cleo.

Jimmy: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Scott : That's great, Jimmy. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 God damn years.

Jimmy: Okay, what does A stand for?
Joel: Arson.
Jimmy: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?
Joel: Barson.
Grian: *laughter*
Jimmy: What stands for C?
Joel: Commit arson.
Grian: Oooo.
Jimmy: D?
Joel: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson.
Grian: *more laughter*

Skizz: I'm bored.
Tango: Wanna commit first degree murder?
Skizz: Sure!
Impulse, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Leave Etho alone!!

Tango: Valentine’s Day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart-shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Jimmy : I wrote you a poem.
Tango, already crying: You did?

Grian: Watcha got there..?
Joel: *petting an ostrich* A smoothie.

Cleo: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Gem, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.
Gem: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Cleo, with her hands cupped over each other: I found a cool spider!
Pearl: Oh? Lemme see!
Cleo, opening her hands to see nothing there: …hm.
Gem: …where’s the spider.
Cleo: *looks troubled and stares at her hands*
Pearl: Oh no.
Gem: CLEO, WHERE’S THE SPIDER?!

*Jimmy crying after a breakup*
Grian: There there, Jimmy.
Jimmy, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Grian: Great question—

Tango, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea?
Impulse: Tea.
Tango: Wrong. It's coffee.

Impulse: You know, people treat me like a god.
Skizz: How?
Impulse: They ignore my existence unless they need something.