Life Series Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes

Pretty self-explanatory, okay and GO!

Lizzie: What are you thinking about?
Scott: Life.
Pearl: Food.
Cleo: Sleep.
Gem: The terrifying notion that the universe is ever-expanding and will one day collapse in on itself taking us, the universe, and everything we know and love with it.

Etho: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Joel: What did you do?
Etho: Nobody died.
Joel: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

Scott: That's just like the basic rules of feminism!
Gem: You go Glen Coco.
Scott: On Wednesdays we wear pink.
Gem: And I've never told anyone because I'm such a good friend.
Gem: Is butter a carb?
Scott: So you agree, you think your really pretty?
Scott: That is so fetch.
Gem: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen, fetch is never going to happen.
Scott: But I'm always on your left!
Cleo, walks up: I'm so confused.
Pearl: They're testing Mean Girls knowledge.
Cleo: How long has this been going on?
Pearl: A while.
Scott: On Wednesdays we wear pink.
Pearl: That's a repeat, Gem wins.
Cleo: You guys are so stupid.

Impulse: What time is it?
Gem: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out
Gem: * Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Scott: WHO THE F--- IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Gem: It's 2 am

Joel, talking about Etho: WHAT THE F--- I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE F--- WHAT DO I DO.

Etho: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I'm late... I was... doing things.
* Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Skizz: * Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE F---IN' STAIRS.

Jimmy: How do you connect with a fictional character?
Mumbo: What?
Impulse: What?
Martyn: What?
Grian: * pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Bdubs: Scar isn't talking to me.
Cleo: Enjoy it while it lasts.

Skizz, at Tango’s funeral: I need a moment with him.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Skizz, leaning over Tango’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little s---. I know you’re not dead.
Tango, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no kidding.

Etho: Am I in trouble?
Joel: Take a guess.
Etho: No?
Joel: Take another guess.

Lizzie: Pearl is late again.
Cleo: How did this happen? I called her at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Scott: I printed up a fake schedule for her saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Gem: I set her clock to say PM when it's really AM.
Lizzie: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
* Pearl bursts through the door*
Pearl: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Etho: You're smiling. What happened?
Skizz: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?
Impulse: Tango tripped and fell down the stairs today.

Tango : *Gets down on one knee*
Jimmy: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.
Tango : *Falls over*

Tango: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Etho: Hey, spaghetti, we're having Tango for dinner.
Impulse: What is wrong with you people?
Skizz: Shut up, chocolate.

Etho: Are you ready to commit?
Joel: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Okay and done? Maybe done?

Or maybe not?

Hang on I've got more!

Lizzie: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...
Pearl: I really care about your feelings!
Gem: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Lizzie, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...
Scott: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
Cleo: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

Joel: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Grian: You were flirting with Etho.
Joel: So what? He’s my boyfriend.
Jimmy: You asked him if he were single.
Joel: . . .
Grian: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

Impulse: Can I be frank with you guys?
Skizz: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.
Etho: Can I still be Etho?
Tango: Shh, let Frank speak.

Gem: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Scott: Next time you're working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Impulse: There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-

Scott: Help, someone at prom has been killed!
Pearl: Calm down, we don't need you to Panic! At the Disco.

Cleo: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.
Pearl: F---ing Scott and Gem were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

Martyn: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Grian will and will not eat.
Impulse: Grass? Yes!
Martyn: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Impulse: Worms? Sometimes!
Martyn: Rocks? Usually no.
Impulse: Twigs? Usually!
Martyn: Jimmy's cooking? Inconclusive!
Mumbo: How did you… test this?
Martyn: You just hand him stuff and say "eat this" and if he eats it, he eats it.
Mumbo: ...I don't know how to feel about this.
Jimmy: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
Grian, eating a shoelace: WHY DO YOU NEED A SPARE!?

Gem: BE A BETTER PERSON!
Pearl: WHY?!
Gem: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

Scott: Wow, they really hate us.
Martyn : Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic.
Scott: But we’re not gay, Martyn .
Martyn :
Scott:
Martyn : We’re not?

Cleo: I learned a valuable lesson from this.
Pearl: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lesson you actually should’ve taken away…
Cleo: DEATH ISN’T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!
Pearl: There we go.

Scott: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Cleo: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Pearl: Wasps?
Lizzie: Terriers?
Scott: Gem.

Lizzie: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Gem: It was Cleo.
Pearl: It was Cleo.
Scott: Cleo broke it.
Cleo: . . .
Cleo: ...YOU PROMISED-

Cleo: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Scott: Maybe we would, if you would STOP BREAKING INTO MY F---ING HOUSE!!!

Scott: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Cleo: You left me, Pearl, and Gem in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.
Scott: I did that on purpose, try again.

Gem: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Pearl: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.
Cleo: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

Impulse: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Etho: Yup.
Etho: Don't think you're special.

Gem, about Lizzie: Apparently we're getting someone new in the group.
Pearl: Are we stealing them?
Cleo: New or used?
Gem: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Scott: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.
Martyn : Huh?
Scott: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid just to piss me off. So cut it out-
Martyn : I love you.
Scott:
Martyn :
Martyn : Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.
Scott: I KNEW IT!!

My new obsession. Hope you laughed at least once!
Star