Paper Memories

Chapter 39-I

Chapter 39-I

"Bakit nandito ka na?"

I didn't expect that he would actually come back.

Pero ngayon nandito siya habang hinihingal at nakasanday an isa niyang kamay sa pinutan ng attic. Lagpas isang linggo mula noon huli ko siyang nakita. He realized the destruction of the whole room, he stared at the puddle of gasoline on the floor and splatter of paint across the room. He must feel bitter like I do. We made art projects here together, I was a friend and family to him in this room afterall. I felt a tinged of happiness seeing that he's back---but my hate is greater.

But now he's here, I know what I need to do.

I couldn't help but sighed as returned my gaze to the sorry state of my painting's canvas. Hinila ko ang nakabaon na pallete knife mula sa masterpiece ko." Baka dapat pinutol ko na yung communication natin, Ron. Pero kahit nung nasa ospital ako at monster ang tingin sakin ng parents ko kinakausap pa rin kita. You really come back for me just because you misinterpret my last text? You're too kind, but you're hard to read, Ron.

"Buong oras na kinakausap mo ako...Nasa ospital ka?"

"Yeah, but I'm fine now. Disappointed ka?"

"Ngayon, anong gusto mo? Sunugin na lang ang lahat?"

"Yeah, I'd burn the things Percival and Ricos destroyed."

"Ha? Ate ano ba talaga ang nangyari? Paanong naospital? Bakit ka puro benda?"It's my fault he's here, I keep contact with him because I was lonely and now I'm prisoner of his kindness." Nasan si Percival? Bumalik na ba si Percival at nag-away na naman kayo? May nangyare. Natalo ka na naman sa kung anong baliw na pakana mo 'diba? Kaya gusto mo maghiganti! Ate, papatayin mo ang sarili mo para dun? Nasan ba sila, bakit dito ka nagbaliw-baliwan?"

"Ron, bumalik ka ba para sakin o naglayas ka na naman?"

"Ate Sheena, wala sila dito!"

"If you want you can just leave too, I'm not making you stay."

"Hindi ako aalis nang hindi ka kasama!"

"You're also weird, Ron. I don't get you."I was playing with the pallete knife but when I realized he wouldn't get near me because of it, so I slip it inside my dress pocket. Nakapamulsa ang dalawa kong nakabendang kamay."You keep coming back even thought I hurt you. Akala naiintidihan mo ako pero nagpaiwan ka lang pala para traydurin ako. Ang sakit nung nalaman ko na nagsumbong ka. Back up mo pa talaga si Ralph and Ricos, ha? Kala ko hanggang kay Percival ka lang nagpapakampi."

Napatigalgal siya."...Si Ralph? Si Ricos?"

I raised my brow, pulling one item from my pocket. A lighter. Ronald paled upon seeing it, but I playfully flicker it open. Letting its tiny fire cast a weak light in the dark room." Yeah, those two are trying to paint me like I'm a monster. They insist on exposing me from expelling students from last year and even the accident on theater play. At, ikaw...Dadagdag ka pa?"

"Paanong pati si Ricos...?"

"He tried to kill himself and blame it on me --- I tried to save him."

"Bakit ka niya pagpplanuhang siraan? Anong ginawa mo sa kanya?"

"That's what I don't understand either! But he takes from your brother anyway. Twisted and tricky. Parang replica lang siya ng Kuya Friedrich mo. Sakin, Ron. Naalala mo din ba ang Kuya mo? Kailangan mo ng Ate? Kaya yung galit at pagmamahal mo sa kanya, akin na lang?"

"W-wala akong alam, hindi ko sila kinakausap!"

"Sinungaling."

"At hindi ako katulad mo na mahilig sa replica!" Depansa ni Ronald nang magkalakas siya ng loob ay hinila niya ako saka niya inigaw ang hawak-hawak kong lighter. I slapped him automatically without much thought, and like he always do he grinned his jaws and take it. He was hurt. But he grabbed my hand so I can leave with him." Hindi din ako katulad mo na nag-iisip kung paano maghinganti! Ano bang kasalanan ko kung kagalit mo na naman sila?!

I groaned, looking at my casted arms." Masakit, Ron."

Napabitaw siya." H-Hindi ko sinasadya-----"

Napahawak ako sa braso ko." I-I'm scared, Ron. I don't want to be alone."

He shook his head. "I-ikaw ang nagtutulak palayo sa lahat ng nasa paligid mo!"

"And I tried to make them love me! But they keep going away. Break na kami ni Percival, kahit siya pinagsawaan ako. Si Ralph, first love ko siya, mula noon magkilala na kami pero hindi niya ako pinagkakatiwalaan. Si Ellie, bestfriend ko siya pero hindi naman niya ako maipagtanggol. Si Ricos, nandyan si pero para sirain ako. Ikaw, Ron. Why are you here expect for the fact you pity me?"

Namutla siya, he uttered his response."Andito na ako, Ate. Umalis na tayo."

I simply move but his eyes widened, perhaps thinking I'm finally angry from his reaction earlier. He's a gentle boy, he wouldn't want to hurt anyone. Pero ngayon na ako naman ang lalapit sa kanya, siya naman ang lumalayo. I opened my arms and locked him in my embrace. Dapat kanina ko pa 'to ginawa, dapat hindi ko na siya sinigawan." I'm hugging you, I'm just hugging you. I'm sorry. I won't hurt you, okay? Hindi ko ina-appreciate na bumalik ka para sakin...Na nakabawi ka na."

Ron calmed down, yet he didn't return my hug."...Bakit ka galit sakin?"

I smiled, feeling the cold blade in my hand."Bawi ka pa, ha?"

I couldn't understand how he could ask that innocently...

He's traitor, and I made him come back so he could learn his lesson. Ronald tried to break our hug the very moment he felt the pocket knife piece his gut. Sarili niyang pocket knife na binigay sa akin noon. Pilit niya ako pinapahiwilay sa kanya. Pero sa bawat tulak niya ay mas humihigpit lang pagkakapit ko at pagbaon ng patalim sa kanya. But because of my injuries and his desperation he was finally able to push me away, causing me to crash on the art tools and Percival's canvas behind me. I could feel the stickiness of the paints, the smell of the gasoline and the crumpled papers. The knife is still in my hands, but I fell and I couldn't get up.

But when I saw Ronald fell to the ground like me---I snickered.

Ronald groaned in pain."...Wala akong kasalanan sayo."

"Kasalanan mo kung bakit ebidensya laban sa kin si Ralph." I lunged at Ronald before he could get up. I pushed him back to ground so he could see and remember the face of the person he betrayed."Wala na sana. Puro na lang sana ang assumption lang niya. Pero dahil lang sa mga pictures sa camera sira na ako sa parents ko, mas sinira mo ako, Ronald."

"Pero ginawa mo naman talaga lahat ng yun!"

I back away from him, my vision is getting blurry from my own sweat and tears. Yet, I glared at Ronald, look at him with so much disdain. I realize how blood ooze from his right abdomen.Idiniin ko ang kamay ko sa sugat niya. At mas diniinan ko pa nang pinilit niyang magtapang-tapangan." Hindi ko naman  inisip na babalik ka talaga, Ron. I was just gambling on it that you might do and finally confessed your sins to me. Pero baka ako na lang yung meron ka, kaya lalayasan at lalayasan mo lang ang pamilya diba? Nandito ka na, nandito ako. Mag-sorry ka."

"M-makasarili ka, Sheena."

"Nagsisi ka na bang nagsumbong ka?"

"G-gaano kalaki ang kasalanan mo at masisira ka na lang ng mga pictures ganon lang? Anong klase tao ka?" Ronald started to struggle breathing, he was below me but it's as if he's the one looking down on me." Bakit ako? Palagi mo talaga gusto na p-panalo ka, ha? Pero pagbumalik sayo ang ginawa mo magagalit ka?"

I grab him by hair."Say sorry, Ron."

Ronald glared at me."Ginawa mo 'to sa sarili mo, Ate."

"Hindi ba sapat na umuwi ka sainyo na bugbog sarado?" I coldy ask him as throw my knife across the room, but in instant Ronald raised his arms in defense. As if it's an instinct, as if I'd hurt him. It made me angrier. Hindi naman ako ganto. Dito siya sanay, dito niya lang ako sinusunod." Mas gusto mo bang umuwi na lang na bangkay sa pamilya mo?"

Then as if my hands have a life on his own I slap him.

I hate the expression on his face. I always tried to not hit him there. People would ask questions. I always tried to not hurt him, but he makes me angry! I could have changed him if he just relied on me more, he wouldn't been hurt if he didn't make me feel my dreams are selfish and bad. If he's so desperate to ruin me, then he might as well watch me fix everything. He's a wasted potential, he could have been my masterpiece.

And what if, through him, Percival would come back?

"Ron, stay with me----and watch how my world burns."