Mini-Kogie?

Apologises and Harsh Words

Most of my belongings had been sent to the new flat, Jonathan and I had enough money to get some decent stuff for the flat so I wouldn't have to use the second hand stuff for too long.
I put the bags next to each other, seeing the rather bare room and sighed. I had really gotten used to this place and I would be extremely sad to leave. There were no more wardrobe, chest of drawers or any furniture apart from the bed, which had been taken apart, a sleeping bag in its place. I stole that Playboy blanket and it was in one of my bags somewhere.
I heard knocking at the flat door and I groaned; no-one was supposed to be visiting; Jonathan and Leo were out and I wasn't really expecting any visitors. I got up and went to the flat door, unlocking it.
It was Smith.
I was supposed to be leaving tomorrow. I had been avoiding him like the plague if I was honest and I felt a little bad because all he wanted was to know why I said I love him, know if I actually did love him (which I did), then becoming a downright bitch to him ever since. I guess today was the day I was going to hurt him enough to no longer love me.
"Hey," he said. I sighed and moved out of the way, allowing him to come in to the flat, my stomach knotting itself uncomfortably as my heart began to hurt.
He went and sat on the sofa after he had asked for a drink of water.
"What're you doing here?" I asked when I had sat down next to him, having given him his drink.
"Why have you been avoiding me? Don't tell me you haven't because you have. We spent so much time together and since Kim and the others locked us in the closet, since you told me that you're apparently moving ... since we kissed. Why have you been avoiding me?" he asked. "Hell, you've been avoiding going into YogTowers. Please tell me why," he begged. "Why have you been angry with me all the time? Rose, please, you have no idea how much this hurts," he whispered, his eyes brimming with tears. Smith, I understand how much it hurts because I'm knowledgeably causing your hurt.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking down from his eyes. "You'll find out soon enough." I admitted.
"You say that, but what d'you mean?" he asked. "Please, just tell me. If it's something to do with Zed, just tell me. I promised you I'd protect you," Smith begged, taking my hands in his. I looked up at him and out of habit, bit my lip, trying to word it carefully.
"It's nothing to do with Zed," I lied, thanking God I was at least half decent at lying. "I just ... I don't think I'm ready for a relationship," which was partly true.
"Rose, I know you. I can tell you're lying." Smith admitted. "Look, I love you and I mean it. I just, I want to know if you love me," he said, desperation filtering into his words. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me," he said, releasing my hands which were going cold and were getting cold sweat on them.
I looked up at his face, his eyes searching mine as I thought on what to say. My eyes wandered to the side and I heard him make a noise of somewhat triumph.
Smith, I was so, so sorry.
I looked up into his eyes, seeing a ghost of a smile on his face before it vanished completely at my words.
"I don't love you, Alex Smith."
I immediately regretted it, like I knew I would.
The way I said it was horrendous; it was more of a snarl than anything else, a mean, cold, heartless snarl that ripped at my heart, most likely doing the same to him.
He hung his head and his shoulders shook slightly before he stood up, his cup flying onto the floor. I stood up as well, grabbing his arm to turn him around to face me. He turned to look at me, snatching his arm out of my hands like I had done so many times with him.
"I-I-I-I'm s-sorry, Smith I -" I began, my voice stuttering madly, but he cut me off, anger and betrayal on his features.
"Yeah? Well I'm sorry I ever wasted your time, trying to get you. Y'know something?" he asked me, I shook my head, knowing he wanted me to answer him. "I wish you hadn't come here! I wish I hadn't even met you! Hell, I even wish that you weren't Kogie's sister! Maybe then, I wouldn't be hurt, maybe I'd have a girlfriend who didn't give me mixed signals, never telling me she loves me when we kiss, never saying to me she doesn't love me when she has to face me again. I love you, Rose, I honestly do but holy shit, you're so impossible! I honestly don't know where we stand any more, but I know one thing - I wasted my time trying to make you see how much I love you! I don't even want to know you any more! You're never gonna like me, so what's the point in trying with you? You're so pathetic, Rose." And with that, Smith stormed out of the flat, slamming the door shut.
I fell to my knees, tears falling from my eyes at his words.
If this was how I had made him feel, I didn't know how he could stand to see me.
I curled up in a ball, my body shaking violently with my sobs as his words went over in my mind repeatedly.