Love me not?

A talk with Spencer

Hotch POV

I wrote a note to Emily saying I was going out with Reid at... 10pm... I never thought of checking the time. But he said okay an he seems like he needs to talk. There's more going on in the head of his that he is showing. About 3 years ago Reid and I had a thing... I ended this thing when I realized he was in love with JJ. And that's when Emily walked in. Beautifully, stubborn and smart has she is. Reid and I will always have something special. Other then Haley and Emily I feel in love with him. An I know right now he's trying to be strong for JJ but something is going on... And I'm going to find out. I stop at the house and he standing outside the door having a.... Cigarette when did he start smoking again. He hasn't noticed I'm here even with the headlights;

"6 minutes." I tell him. He jumps then smiles "I know..." He flicked the half smoked cigarette away and he looked at me. "Hotch..." I put up my hand "Let's go have some food and a coffee and talk. Okay Spencer." He smiles when I call him Spencer then frowns and just nods. The car ride was in a comfortable silence, he's looking out the window. Yeah defiantly something wrong here. I clear my throat;

"How's JJ?" He lets out a sigh.
"Aaron, I want to say okay.... I really do. But I'm not sure. I'm lost Aaron. She lost someone that she loved. And still loves... I can only imagine how that like because other then my mother you and JJ are the only 2 people I ever feel in love with." That took me back... I knew I felt that way about him but no clue that's how he felt about me "What about Maeve?" He looks at me "I loved her. But I wasn't in love with her... Hey Aaron... Why did you break up with me?" Thank God were in the parking lot of McDonald's or I would of pulled over. We look at each other and I take his hand the spark and butterflies were still there but with Emily they were overwhelming "Spencer. I realized you were falling in love with JJ. The way you two looked at each other. The way you smiled everyone she called you "Spence." I ended things because I didn't want to hold you back from something that could change your life. It was hard, a lot of tears if you can remember. But look at us now. Married to wonderful women and you're gonna be a dad for the first time and me for the second time." He looks at me and smiles "It sucked but you're right. I'm happy it never effected out work life though." I laugh "Never."

We walk in and get a coffee then I take the plunge "JJ and Lily." He flinched slightly "JJ was in love with her. But she said she loved me more. She's wearing Lily's engagement ring to her on the other hand... And I put it there..." I stop what I'm drinking "Spencer... You're okay with that?" He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair "I don't know. I mean I get where she's coming from. I understand the grieving and he heart break. But she blocked me out for almost a month... And it hurts and then I guess Lily got sick of not being able to cross to heaven and told JJ to let her go. And she did but... We made love earlier and it felt amazing.... But Aaron it still hurts." I see tears in his eyes, I go on his side of the booth and put my arm around him he leans in and cries for a bit "Spencer, it's okay to feel hurt. And I understand where you and JJ are coming from. You're being an amazing husband. But right now you're not being a good friend to JJ. You're lying to her face saying you're okay. And you're not. And one day it's all gonna explode and blow up and.... You'll lose someone you love." I see him take in the information he drops his head "You're right.... But how do I tell her without her getting mad." I smile "If I had the answer to that I'd give it to you. I suggest you get flowers or her favourite ice cream before I take you home." He laugh "She's pregnant too. I might not make it." I laugh "I'll pray for you." We both me out a laugh. We look at each other and our eyes lock. He smiles and kisses me on the cheek, I jump but relax. "Let's take you home Spencer. And if she kicks you out. Well our door is always open until you make up."

I drive him back to his out and it's 12am... The lights are open so JJ is awake. I look at him "Want me to wait here." He looks at me "No I'll call you or drive over if I need too." I nod he was about to leave but he kisses me on the cheek again "Thank you Aaron." I smile "Anytime Spencer. You're my friend. I just want you to be okay." He goes to leave and I decided to tell him something I've wanted to for year "And for the record, I might not be in love with you anymore. But I do love you." He beams "I love you too." This time I kiss him on the forehead. He nods and leaves to go talk to not only his wife but his friend... I'm interrupted from my phone buzzin;

Em: Heyy JJ is worried... Is Reid okay.
Hotch: Em honestly.... I have no idea. He defiantly hurt. He might be staying with us tonight and maybe a bit tomorrow. He lied to JJ about saying he was okay. You know how it goes when you lie to your wife.
Em: HAHAHA very funny Aaron. But I get it. He is always invited here. And if you need guy time I can always go stay with JJ.
Hotch: I knew I married you for a reason. You're a genius babe ;).
Em: I know. I love you drive safe.
Hotch: I love you too Mrs.Hotchner.

I stay parked there longer an I'm happy I did because like I predicted he was out the door. A bag throw after him and the door slammed shut behind him. He looks up and notices the car and walks towards it. He opens the door and slams it shut "Didn't go well..." He shakes his head no "I'm lucky to be alive. Hopefully we make up by this weekend for Pen and Derek's wedding."  I try not to laugh "I think you two will be fine. You're still wearing your ring. And I'm guessing she's wearing hers. Plus you can talk to we at work. We're all going to be exhausted." He smile then notices the time "I'm so sorry Aaron. And yeah she never took off her rings." I nod and look at him "You'll be fine by tomorrow." Then my phone vibrates I know it's Emily;

Em: Heading to JJs. She called. The things we do for the people we love it's like 1am!
I laugh and show Reid the text and he laughs.
Hotch: It's what we do. We're a team... A family.
Em: I know have a good night with Reid.

With that I pull out of the driveway with a upset Spencer in my passenger seat and drive back to my house.