Change Your Mind (n.h)

Chapter 19

     "Renee? I thought you said you weren't going to be here." Brian said innocently.

     "That-that doesn't matter right now. What-what are you doing? Who is that?" I whispered. I dropped my bag and then dropped to my knees.

     He quickly put on some pants and came over to lift me up and pulled me close. "Renee, I can explain. It's nothing really, we weren't doing anything." He stuttered. I pushed him away.

      "Oh, so you weren't just having sex with that slut you were tutoring. You told me absolutely nothing was going on, just math." I said raising my voice. "You haven't been going behind my back and doing these things with anyone else? Just her? Is that why we've been having so many fights lately? Huh? Have you always wanted rid of me? Am I not good enough for you? Is it because you knew I wasn't about to give up my virginity for you?" I screamed. "Tell me Brian, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!"

     "Baby, just calm down and I'll explain. It's just-"

     "Don't you dare tell me to calm down. You told me you loved me, you lied to me over and over. You had been my life for the past eight months, I loved you with all of my heart, you were my everything. I loved you. I loved you so much, did you even care? How long has this been going on?" I yelled again. People were starting to come up the stairs to see what was going on. I didn't care, let them see what kind of a person he really was.

     "I still love you, it's just that she-she..." He couldn't answer any of my questions.

     "Just tell me why you did this to me when you knew I was loving you with all of my heart? It would have been a hell of a lot less painless for you to have to broke up with me for her than to go behind my back and do this shit." I said as I motioned over to Valerie who was sitting there uncomfortably in the bed.

     He just stood there dumbfounded like a freaking idiot. "That's what I thought." I grabbed up my stuff and ran down the stairs, half blind from the tears. Nichole's mom saw me walking towards the door and came to see what was wrong.

     "Dear, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" She asked.

     "No ma'am, I'm just feeling really bad all of a sudden. Will you tell everyone I'll talk to them at school when we go back?" 

     "Of course, do you have a ride?"

     "Yeah, I'll be fine thank-you." I walked out the door when I heard someone calling my name.

     "Renee! Renee! Hey what's wrong?" It was Ryan. I heard Brian screaming after me too.

     "Nothing, it's nothing. I'm fine. I'm just going to go home a little early that's all." I said and walked briskly away. He wasn't going to give up.

     "Let me at least drive you home." Ryan said.

     "Renee! Baby, come back. Please. You didn't let me explain." Brian had finally caught up to me.

     "So it's your fault that she's upset?" Ryan yelled.

     "It's none of your concern." Brian shrugged it off and ran up to me.

     "Baby, what you saw back there, I don't know why I did it. It was stupid, who would want to give you up? I don't know what I was doing."

     "What did you do to her?" Ryan yelled at Brian.

     "Guys, Ryan, really I'm okay. I'm going home. I promise, I'll call you tomorrow. Brian, I don't think I'll call you tomorrow. If your going to apologize, tell me why the heck you did it?" I demanded.

     "I honestly don't know, she led me on. I promise you though, you are the only girl in my life, I promise. That was not supposed to happen back there." 

     "Then why didn't you stop it." Then it hit me. "Is that why you were wondering if I was going to the party? So you could bang on some older chick? Really, tell me how long has this been going on?" 

     "About three months." He whispered.

     "Why?" 

     "I don't know. I don't know." 

     I walked up to him, kissed him hard, and slapped the piss out of him. "Don't you dare, ever come near me again." I screamed. "Or I swear, I'll freaking kill you. You have know idea what you've done to me." I said as I walked off. 

     I felt someone grab my arm. I was prepared for it to be Brian so I tried to kick him in the balls.

     "Hey, it's me, it's okay. I gave Brian a pretty good whooping. Please take let me take you home." Ryan pleaded.

     "No, I'm going to call someone, it's okay. But I can call you tomorrow or come over if I need to right?" I needed him and he knew it.

     "Yeah, just tell me and I'll come pick you up." He said as he pulled me into a hug. That made me break down.

     "Why did he do that to me? I love him so much, I still feel the same way about him, after what went down tonight, I still love him with all of my heart. I want to forgive him, want him back, want him to want me back. Why am I such an idiot?" I whispered/cried into his shoulder.

     "I don't know baby, I don't know." He squeezed me and kissed me on the forehead. I realized, as we stood there in the middle of the road, that I loved Ryan too. He was doing all of the things that Brian should have been doing. Gosh, why am I so freaking bipolar? What is my freaking problem?

     "I need to call him to come and take me home. So I can call you and come over if I need you-when I need you?"

     "Of course."

     "Good, thank-you so much. I love you Ryan. You can go, I can get a ride." 

     "I love you too."

     "Bye."

     He walked off, looking back every little bit. I dialed Niall's number. It didn't ring, it went straight to his voice mail. His phone was off, he was already on the plane, going home. I collapsed right there in the middle of the road. I needed him, I needed Ryan. I needed a lot of things. I am weak. I am nobody. I don't deserve to live. I don't want to live anymore. Hey, why not just lie here in the road, hope someone comes by, doesn't see, and runs over me. It would be a whole lot easier. Why not give up? Life sucks anyway. That's what I'll do, I'll sit here, let a car just run me over, it'll be over in two seconds. The pain wouldn't matter, it couldn't hurt nearly as much as what I feel right now.

     No, get your big butt up out of the road. Make your way home. It won't be that hard. Just pray to God to guide you, to protect and watch over you. Yeah, that's what I focused on. I prayed and prayed. I was almost home. I could even see my parents' lights on in their room. Thank you God. I walked up the driveway, my eyes got a little fuzzy, black around the edges. I was dizzy, and then, I screamed and fell over unconscious.

     *****Hey, hope this didn't suck like I thought it did. Is it boring? Is it suspenseful? Do you like it so far? I hope so!! I have loved writing it so much!! Like seriously, I am obsessed with getting on here and writing. I hope you enjoy it!!! Anyway, yeah.*****

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