Scenario: Due to finally being asked to do something, Sparta has to leave Europe for a while and can only contact other people via snail mail.
January 18, 2016
Dear Virgin Martini,
Happy birthday, fetus face! I hope you spend your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!
-Helen
January 23 2016
Dear War-Whore,
Danke for the happy birthday letter and for the condoms that came in the envelope. Mein gott it's been a while since I've seen you... Well I'll look forward to meeting up in a few years!
-Prince Prussia
February 14 2016
Dear Virgin Marry,
It's been a while since I last wrote to you, hasn't it? Well it's valentines day and sadly it's just going to be and some pornos. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining that Greece is finally choosing me over Athens to do something, but it's kind of boring being isolated with only a pad of paper and a pencil....I suppose I have the porn, but I'm the one who drew it and I can't even draw! I hate not being able to leave this hellhole.
Jack off with me,
Sparta
February 16 2016
Dear pirate hooker,
I spent February 14th alone as well, but I'm too awesome for anyone else so it doesn't matter. Franny was off with Canada, America was with England, Denmark and Norway were probably have buttsex, and Spain and Romano were-actually I don't think I want to know what spamano was up to. Anyways good luck with whatever Heracles is making you do.
Eat that booty like groceries,
The awesome albino.
January 5 2017
Hey....
It's been even longer, huh? Sorry I haven't talked to you in over a year and if I sort of ignored your letters...If I'm being completely honest here I guess I just miss Franny, Toni, and most of all you. I haven't heard your's (or as matter of fact anyone's) voice in over four years now. As the days go by it's slowly starting to become harder to be without anyone to piss off....I miss you, Gil.....I miss you more than I want to admit....
-Helena
January 7 2017
Hallo Sparta,
Ja it has been a while, hasn't it? Also it's okay that you haven't been responding to me. I get it you're busy and all that bullshit. I miss you too, hell France and Spain miss you almost (but not quite because I'm awesome) as much as I do! When you come home, we'll have a fuck ton of fun! We can even put RoDICK's piano on the roof again! I miss you too and hang in there.
You're awesome,
Gilbert
January 11 2017
Dear Mr. Five Meters,
Fuck yeah we'll be putting the piano on to his roof! Hell, that's the piano I had sex on! Good times, good times...But anyways, work's been getting harder. It sort of feels like I'm riding a bike; accept the bike is on fire, and the roads are on fire, and everything is on fire because I'm stuck in fucking hell! I'd honestly give anything to see you again...I don't know when I'll be back or even if I'll be back...Just, don't forget about me. Not that you would, because come on, I'm Sparta. Who the fuck forgets about these titties?
Suck on my sack,
Go to HELLena.
January 15 2017
Dear Lainey,
It's getting harder? Like is it as hard as Mein awesome dick yet, or no? But in all seriousness, you miss me that much? Well I miss you just as much and you think that you'll never see me again? Just you wait....
Hang in there, queen of chlamydia,
Prussia
***** Four months later****
*knock on door*
Sparta: How the fuck did anyone get this address? Nobody was supposed to find me....*Opens door* what the fuck do you-
Prussia: how's my favorite narcissist been?
Sparta: *tightly hugging Prussia* I don't know....how have you been?
Prussia: kesesese
Sparta: I-I've missed you so much....
Prussia: Let's go home.
Sparta: I can't, Greece is trusting me to do this fucking bullshit. It's the first thing he's wanted me to do since Athens became his number one.
Prussia: You're dead, why should you care?
Sparta: I don't know...I guess-
Prussia: Simple you shouldn't....We're going home, this is bullshit and you know it. Besides you've done enough as it is with your history and past, you don't need to keep trying to prove yourself to Greece.
Sparta: I suppose that's true...and even if I do this he's still going to like Athens more. Hell, all he cares about is cats and Athens, so fuck it! I'm coming home with you!
Prussia: that's the spirit, war-whore!
Sparta: Also, Gil? I think it's pretty kickass of you to come all this way just to retrieve me or even see me. So thank you for that, and also I should tell you something. Prussia, I honestly really want you to-
Prussia: *gets hit in the face by a flying orange brick*
Sparta: oh my god they're kill
Gilbert....YOU BASTARDS!!
