Addicted (Dylan O'Brien)

Chapter 30

Dylan's POV

I throw another punch into the punch bag swinging in front of me, the old chain rattles and threatens to give out at any moment. I could careless, let it fall, fuck, let it fall right on me. Then I could focus on the physical pain of being crushed by the hundred pound bag then the crushing feeling that's been in my chest for the past two days.

I haven't slept in what seems like forever, I refuse to acknowledge why. Even when I do sleep, my fucking dreams are haunted with images of Skylar sitting next to me in my jeep smiling and laughing. Then the next thing I know, she's crying telling me she hates me. The part that's messing with my head is that I try to reach for her, I try to comfort her because seeing her cry rips at my broken, shattered soul. What's worse is that when I finally touch her my entire body relaxes. My mind silences itself and the last ten years of my fucked up life seem to disappear. It last just seconds before she's screaming, yelling that I'm hurting her and I recoil my hand not wanting to cause more pain. I watch helplessly as she cries and do nothing except feel every part of me breaking. Shattering on the inside as I watch each small tear roll down her smooth, flushed cheek.

I had the nightmare again this morning and woke drenched in sweat and a rapid beating heart. My bed was empty and I close my eyes to try to hush my angry mind, envisioning Skylar sleeping next to me. Her dark chestnut hair sprawled out over my white pillows, her satin white skin seemed to glow under the morning sun. My heart relaxed, only for frustration to set in.

I throw another punch, powered with anger and yell out in agony. Trying to get rid of this sinking feeling in my stomach. I hate fucking feeling, I don't do it. I shut the emotions out, locking myself away from them. It's what I've done for years and it makes life so much fucking easier. Then, this brown hair, blue eyed angel walks into my life and threatens to undo everything I've seal up tight.

I continue throwing punches, the skin of my knuckles feeling raw and I force every once of my body and mind to focus on the growing pain. Shutting out Skylar and every pathetic emotion that comes with her.

The door to Robs office opens with a sad creaking noise and I throw another punch into the bag. Rob owns this gym, and in exchange for working out whenever I want I volunteer my services for him. Normally he doesn't open till ten but today I couldn't wait. I came down even before the lights in his house where on and have been trying to work through my frustrations ever since. I can see him watching me, feel his curious eyes pinning me in my spot. I know I can't avoid him much longer but right now, I need to feel physical pain.

The gym isn't much, it's run down and most of the equipment needs to be replaced, but he refuses to upgrade. Most of the people that had memberships here have left and now he keeps it open for kids like me. Lost and frustrated and need to work out their anger issues.

My heart is beating wildly in my chest and the blood in my veins feels like it's boiling but I can't stop. If I stop, all the emotions all the memories and feelings about and for Skylar come rushing back, hitting me like a fright train. Right now, I can't fucking handle that. I'm trying to shut her out, to shut the emotions built up in my stomach off. I don't feel, I don't talk about what's going on in my fucked up head. Everyone knows this, I'm the guy who cracks the sarcastic jokes, who doesn't give two shits about anyone and who is turned off from human emotions.

My friends know this, Rob knows this and I know this. Everyone does, except Skylar, my mind taunts me. She wants something I can't give her, something I know I can't give her. That pisses me off even more and I begin throwing my punches harder, fueled by my self hatred. My lungs are burning in my chest, begging for a break.

This wasn't suppose to happen, I'm not suppose to be the one whose loosing control of my emotions. I'm suppose to be getting under her skin, making her crazy and loose self control till she can't think straight. This was suppose to be fun and easy, yet here I am loosing what's left of my screwed up mind. I'm breathing harder and it isn't because I'm working out too hard, it's because I can feel the emotions stirring inside of me, threatening to ruin everything. This is all her fault!