♡Lucky Ones♡ [Completed]

Chapter Six

Repeating Apologies

“Austin!” I shoot out of the bunk, banging my head on the top bunk.

“Ellie! Are you okay?” I look around. I see Max, Ryan, and Miley staring at me. I breathe in and out. The nightmares never cease to leave me alone. I fumble around for my phone. I see it under the covers. I pull it out and check twitter.

@ElleSNS all my prayers go out to you.

@austincarlile are you okay what happened?

@piercethevic are you and Ellie dating?

What? I open Instagram and see the photo of me and Vic. Me and the fan Maisie. No. it can’t be. It was a dream! it was a dream! Austin is not hurt! My fist begin to clench and unclench the sheets as yesterday’s replay rolls back.

“Ellie! Ellie!”

“Alan?”

“It’s Austin!”

Austin clutching his chest. The guards not letting me go. I look towards my band.

“Where is he?” I ask. They look at each other. Some sending looks. Some motioning towards me. finally Ryan speaks up.

“He’s in the hospital. He’s been asking to see you.” Should I see him? I mean he did break my heart. But I still love him. And if he wants to see me, it’s a sign too. But what if it isn’t a sign. No. it has to be. It needs to be. I get up, shakily, and walk to the lounge. I’m still in my clothes from whatever day I found out. I open the bus door and see people staring at me. the first person I see is Vic. I don’t even smile at him. It’s like he’s warning me. you see him, don’t bother coming to me. I see David outside his bus. I roll my eyes. I have nothing to say to him. Andy Biersack from Black Veil Brides gives me a small smile. At the gate of the venue is Alan. I breathe a sigh of relief. I walk towards the gate, band members giving me glares, blank stares or despair. I know that rhymes, but it’s true. Even Ronnie Radke is giving me a glare. But besides that it was quiet. Like everyone was afraid to breathe. I walked past the gates and got in the cab. Alan stayed quiet. I ran through multiple options.

1.)             Austin just wanted to see me to blame this on me and yell at me.

2.)           He actually misses me and wanted me to be there to know he’s alright.

3.)           He just wants to explain something.

Yup. That’s all I got. Hopefully number two. We pulled into the hospital parking lot and it took some serious strength to not run in there. Alan took my hand and we walked to his room.

~Austin~

I fumbled with the cords attached to me. These things get really annoying. Especially the nurse. Blonde alert. I remember at set, something with the equipment went wrong and corrupted something in my left ear. It hurt like a bitch! I hate being deaf in my left ear. I was clutching my chest, but not out of pain, just out of the fact that my ear hurts so much. When they pulled me in hear, they did a double check on my heart anyway and decided to keep me in here for a day or two to be safe. But this nurse, ugh. I hear laughter. The laugh I’ve been waiting so long to hear. I see her hair as she walks in the room, hand in hand with Alan. He looked like he was going to pass out. She must’ve really squeezed him hard. When she sees me her eyes drop. Alan walks out the room to give us space.  She sits in a chair away from me. Here goes nothing.

“Hey Ellie.” I try to make small talk.

“Hi Austin.” She mutters.

“Aw come on. Don’t be a baby, talk. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. It has.”

“So, how’s life?”

“Good. Good.” God, just say it. You know you want to. It comes out of my mouth without any warning.

“I miss you.” The fire in her eyes spark. Her eyes turn a crisp blue and she’s in my face the next minute.

“Don’t you dare say that!  You miss me?! that’s a lie because you dumped me!” she snapped.

“I dumped you for a reason.” I say.

“Oh Austin what is that reason?! Was it his reason,” she shows me her wrist which is covered in scars. Some faded than others, some new. “If this is the reason congrats! You succeeded!”

“Ellie-”

“The blood, how it runs. The tears as they drip. The sting feels so good. You were simply slipping in. I can’t take it anymore!!! You were the one voice that I need. To tell me that I was worthless. To bring me to my knees. Very little people know this. And most of them act like it doesn’t exist. The sadness. The depression. "Be quiet. Others  have it worse than you." Just when you think you have had enough, It obviously gets worse. Thinking “How?" When it is pointed out to you from the beginning. It’s been a long time since I have seen you! You should probably know that I still care about you!!!Even though the tears you gave me. The crying that you can’t hear in the daylight. We all knew this would happen. Why not act the way others think you do? It’s all just a big game, right? And we were taught that it’s okay to lose? If you read the words in my eyes, And heard the thoughts in my mind, I am sure you would see, I’m not okay. Please, excuse me while I clear my throat. It’s scratchy from the crying for hours!!! I think I may be done. Not now but soon. Attention seeker? I just need a hug. Or somebody to tell me it’ll be okay. I get smaller and smaller with every word. Every realization. I told you I would be done. Did anybody bother to ask? No. When the first cutting joke came along. I was already gone!!!!!”

She walks out the room and down the hallway. Alan appears in the door and shoots me a glare. I sigh and mentally kick myself. She misses me? I’m the one who made her feel worthless?