Everyone just stares at me like I'm a stuck up selfish bitch that doesn't care about anyone but herself, accept for Luca and Matty who actually understand the necessity of self love, the necessity of love.
I stand back up to my feet, passionate about my cause. "Everyone stop looking at me like it's wrong to love yourself. Like its wrong to be happy, to be confident. Because you deserve that, you deserve to be able to love yourself at the end of the day when there is nowhere else to turn, and nobody else. You need to appreciate yourself more, congratulate yourself on things, whether you just won the olympics, or if you just got out of bed.
Love yourself before you love another. Because you all deserve that" I say and sit back down in my seat, fraying at the seams.
A boy opposite from me starts to clap his hands slowly, "thank you!" I say, I always feel drunk when I come to these things, despite being totally sober.
"Mic drop" I say pretending to drop a mic. Causing laughter to burst from a couple of people's mouths.
"That was beautiful, delivered totally from anger but, beautiful" Matty says stoping to look at me.
"Share another story cause nobody else is going to say anything" Luca says drinking out of his water bottle, well, vodka bottle.
"Ok, so the second best time of my life was when I finally accepted myself, I was like fourteen, and I had been drinking some ciders with my family, responsible parenting at its finest. Anyway, I fucking hated myself, like so much, and then, I fucking stood up on the table, striped to my underwear and looked at myself in the reflection of the glass right. I actually looked fine, and I was still pudgy because heck I was fourteen, so I went vegetarian because health, and started to workout and I know that if it weren't for that day, I'd still be orthorexic, cause that was my reminder" I say nodding into the difference.
"Tell us about your eating disorder" Luca says holding back a laugh. Group session? More like Tessa session.
"I became obsessed with everything I ate. I wouldn't touch refined sugars, unhealthy fats, chocolate, you know, I just totally over did everything. So I literally couldn't eat out cause I didn't know what they cooked their food in and all this stuff. I thought I was being so damn healthy but that was actually unhealthy. Of course horrid relationships and all this other shut added to the pressure. Modelling. Fuck the modelling agencies, OK, like they're ugly so whatever" I finish with a sigh.
"Thanks for sharing" the guy who runs the place says with sarcasm in his voice, I fucking burst into laughter.
"You're so bad at your job" I say. Literally feeling like 2007 Britney Spears.
I stand up and leave, "bye motherfuckers" I say and leave the building, when I leave everyone else leaves. I think they find it entertaining listening to my stories, or maybe they don't and just get fed up at the same time as me.
YOU ARE READING
fallingforyou - Matty Healy. pt 1
Fanfiction"Find me cause I'll never find you" Those were the words that brought them together, but was it all just a mistake.
