fallingforyou - Matty Healy. pt 1

"Sober until four"

"Tess, you've kept your mouth shut for once. Why don't you tell us what you've been up to?" Gotta love group.

"Remember that guy who came here last time?" I raise an eyebrow.

"The one who looked like a drug addict?" That girl with the split ends rolls her eyes.

"Shut up Cindy" I hiss.

"My name is not Cindy" she growls.

"Well yeah, he's overseas now" I say, actually getting some sympathy from these people.

"We know relationships are hard for you..." Someone who's name I didn't bother to learn says.

"I don't have a reason to wake up anymore. Every second I question why I'm still doing what I'm doing. Why don't I just quit? But yeah, at least I stay sober until four and haven't resorted to drugs yet" I say. Key word 'yet'

"Because we don't give up. We don't quit" blah blah blah.

"It's hard to attach your happiness to a person, then for it to be pulled away from you so easily" separated by an ocean.

"Just fly over and see him" someone says. Hey, yeah, maybe.

"I'm also kind of broke. I'm going to New Zealand tomorrow"

"Ew. Why?"

"Lorde" is all I say before getting up and leaving. That I can do without feeling like there's a fucking elephant on top of me.

I head down to Luca's work, walking straight into his office, I know his schedule. I sit in the spinning chair and spin in a little circle.

"If you've done something illegal I don't want to know" he says, picking something out of a gift basket on his desk.

"I'm good. For now" I say. He tosses me a small box of chocolates from the basket.

"Engagement gift" he says, ah. That makes sense now. I eat the whole box of chocolates, there was only six but I still feel fat and guilty.

I lean back on the chair and poke at my stomach a little "you're not fat you idiot" Luca says.

"I haven't exercised in almost a week, Luca I'm fucked up" I say with a frown.

"Well, I'm pretty much done. I'll give this shit to my intern" gotta love interns.

"Lucky" I whine. But I'm pretty much an intern. That's a lie.

"Psh. It's like having a kid." He groans.

We arrive at the airport five hours early. Tom has the worst fear of missing our plane so we make sure we don't, anything for Tom.

I have this love hate thing with airports. I hate the smell, I love the food places, I hate the people, I love the vibe. It's weird. I hate airports but at the same time I like them.

When we arrive in New Zealand I almost cry. It's so great here already. The city is similar, smaller, less traffic, better.

We arrive at our hotel and dump all our stuff away, the guys are going sightseeing, there's this place called the Skytower, it gives you a panoramic view of the city, but I have a real estate agent to meet with. Hah, I'm being paid for this.

"I can't believe you're leaving us" Tom says with the shake of his head.

"Oh hush hush. I'll be back in no time, I'm taking you guys out for dinner by the way!" I call and pull on a park of high heels before rushing out the door.

Thank god Tom and Luca agreed that they would walk everywhere to get a better feel for the place, so I take the rental.

The first places are terrible, location isn't central, too cramped. Horrible work spaces. The next one is the best. There's no need to look for another one. Central location, open plan, big front doors, high ceilings. It's perfect for another office space, so I scribble down some notes to take back to Deb.

"Hey, are there any apartments around here... Two bedroom, open...?" I ask, become selfish of course.

She takes me to the first one. It's on the second floor so there is no view, it's not close to anywhere and the lighting is terrible.

"There is one other place" the lady says, I act like I'm interested in buying all these places cause that's what the real estate agents want to see.

"This." I say, stepping into the perfect apartment. A spiral staircase leading upstairs, a railing looking over the whole half of the place. The living room and kitchen complementing each other perfectly.

"And there's this" she says pushing open the bi folding doors. an outdoor area the size of the living room. It's perfect.

I head upstairs, there's a bedroom and bathroom, with a walk in wardrobe too.
The only issue is I don't live in this country. Yet.

I quickly head back to our hotel and change into some different shoes, keeping this dress on cause we should go out to dinner.

"We're going out for dinner" I say, and so we do just that. This is why I love our friendship, we say, we do, we love each other and it's great.

I take the guys to this pizza place, for two reasons, pizza, and of course I don't know my way around so five minutes down the road is the furthest I can drive us.

I call Matty but he doesn't answer. He's probably playing or sleeping. It was still nice to hear his voice, even if it were his voicemail.

"You look sad again" Luca says, I shake my head. I'm doing okay.

"I'm happy" I smile, I sleep on the couch because it's amazing and we're all too cheap for two rooms. Luca and Tom insisted I have the bed but I think that would be a bit selfish, even for me.

Either way, it's past four. I crack open the wine and watch the traffic below us.

We spend the whole day sight seeing, walking, shopping, eating. Now it's the best part of the day. Lorde. My Lorde is here. I'm here. Life is good. I'm not drunk. This is good.

"Tess if you die I'll burry you in a baby pink coffin" Luca says holding his hand to his heart. She's here. I scream. I sing. My throat hurts. Everything is gone. Everything is right. There are no worries in the world. I am alive.