fallingforyou - Matty Healy. pt 1

"Stay like this forever"

Mattys pov

I sit at the first end of the table of our signing. I regret leaving Tessa on that stupid tea cup ride. She's probably lost right now. She has no idea how to get around here. She has no idea where she is and I just left her. I miss her already. I need her.

I feel really bad. I try my best to smile and be really nice to everyone, but I really miss her.

George is on his third coffee, I haven't had any. I'm sick of answering 'how are you?' Just for today. I love everyone, but I'm just tired.

A cup of coffee is put on the table in front of me. I recognise the nails which Tessa describes as her 'I'm a fake ass bitch' nails. I know the smell of her perfume.

I want her to be with me right now. And she is. "You look shit" she laughs. I hear a small gasp of horror from the girls behind her.

"Missed you so much" I say as she sticks her record out towards me. I laugh and sign it. An extra heart in the corner of course.

"Thank you! Bye!" She smiles and slides her record along to George. I just watch as she walks away from me. Like I did to her.

"Hi! How are you?" The next guy in the line asks.

"Tired" I answer

"Oh, it must be so hard for you guys. Thank you so much though. Everyone appreciates it so much" and security is already telling him to move along.

"It's all for you" I tell him with a smile. He smiles and does as the security guard says.

I fold my arms over my face and close my eyes as we finish the signing. I feel someone next to me. I swear if George...

" 'ello sleepy head" she says in her not so Australian, Australian accent.

"I'm sorry I'm a total asshole" I say.

"You're not an asshole" she lies to me.

"Oh I am. How did you even find your way back. Fuck!" I say tugging at my hair a bit.

"We're all fine." She says resting her head on my shoulder. It's comforting.

"Hmmm. What are you doing now?" I ask her.

"Ross and I are going out for a pint. Wanna come?" Ross and Tessa get along better than Tess and I get along sometimes. It's weird. I guess cause Ross is just always nice to everyone.

"Of course" I say.

Tessa tells us about how pubs are always out to "fuck you over". She says everything about them are to take your money. The salted peanuts which make you thirsty are apparently out to fuck us over. I totally understand.

"Guys... I think this is going to be my last drink for a while. I think it's for the best" she says.

"Shit" Ross says.

"It's just a shame this beer is really bad" she laughs and downs the last of her pint. That girl can drink. I think that's why she's wants to stop.

She once told me about how she used to have the fear of being good at something. Once she was good at something people would always ask her to do it. She said the first time it happened was when she drew a portrait of a friend. Then everyone asked her to draw them which lead to her stressing herself out and having what she described as "a kind of, kind of not break down". She's not very good at turning people down. Sometimes I worry that's the only reason we're together...

"It's the same for you. You're good at instruments and singing, now that's what everyone expects from you" Tessa always has this weird point of view on everything.

Sometime I thing she tries too hard to understand everything around her. She tries to hard to weave everything into her own life. We're complete opposites. I would say we don't work well together but I think we do. I don't want to let go of us anyway.

"Just stop talking. This is all too confusing for me" Ross says and it's the same for me. I'm getting used to it.

"Fine" Tessa giggles. You'd expect her to have the dumb-blonde-with-big-tits giggle, but she doesn't. Hers is lighter. Happier. And quite frankly, not as stupid sounding.

We wave goodbye to Ross who has grown fond of walking around alone at night. It's weird but I don't question it. Of course Tessa does.

We walk up to our hotel. Tessa asks if it has a spa pool. It does not have a spa pool and I think we all felt betrayed when we found that out.

Tessa's lips connect with mine the second I close the door behind us. A small moan escaping her mouth.

"I've really missed this" she says quickly before returning her lips to mine. I always forget how good of a kisser Tessa is.

I run my hands up the sides of Tessa's hips. She flinches and pulls away from me. She covers her face with her hands and turns away from me.

"What's wrong?" I ask. My chest burns as I ask the question. I hate her being sad.

"Nothing" she lies to me.

"Can I help?" I ask. I just want to help.

"I.. It's just that cut I had on my stomach..." She says. Then I know. She's insecure in front of me. It hurts so much to know that. I don't know how to change it either. I never fucking know with Tessa.

"Let's just lay together" I smile. I pull her into my arms. She buries her head in my chest and nods in response.

"Can we just stay like this for a second?" She asks quietly.

"I could happily stay like this forever"