Car is packed, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn’t look back at the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours? All those words, came undone, and now I’m not the only one facing the ghost that decided if the fire inside still burns. All I have, all I need, is the air I would kill to breathe. Holds my love, in his hands. Still I’m searching for something out of breath I’m left hoping someday I’ll breathe again.
I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I couldn’t believe right now, at this moment, I was writing a letter to him. It was so unfair. He was so unsuspecting, but I couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t see him for months at a time and when I finally do, he’s here for a couple weeks, months if I’m lucky, and then leaves again. I didn’t want to hold him accountable to it, but I just…I couldn’t take it. Sitting at home counting the days until he came back. It’s a lot harder than one would think and I totally give props to those army wives. They’re the strong ones in that situation. But, I’m not going to tell him to quit, no that would be just cruel to make him choose. At least this way, he doesn’t have to.
With the letter finished, I placed it on my pillow next to his sleeping form and gathered up my things. I turned back, the conflict growing as he turned in sleep. I couldn’t just leave like this, my heart told me. You have to or else you wont, reason screamed back. But, I can at least give him one last kiss. I put my bag down once more and tip-toed to his bed side. He was so gone, nothing would wake him now. Slowly, I leaned down to kiss his forehead. The sweet scent of his cologne still stuck to his skin. I almost broke down. I picked up my bag and walked out into the hall.
Everything I owned was packed and waiting in the car, except for a small hand bag and a picture that hung in the living room. It was of a happier time when we both used to live in Minnesota. I smiled, quietly picking it up and placing it carefully inside my bag. I gave one last look around the small apartment I shared with him, and closed the door behind the most wonderful man I have ever met and a life I would have loved if I was strong enough.
The weather was decent, I mean we lived in California when wasn’t it? I got into the car and tried to breathe as I went over my reasoning for this again. He was an actor, a famous actor. If Eragon and Four Brothers wasn’t enough, he just released two more movies: Tron: Legacy and Country Strong. Not only was he appealing to two different demographics, but he was also appealing to a thousand or more different girls. His fan base was sky-rocketing and the public appearances were beginning to take over his entire schedule. I should be happy about it, shouldn’t I? I sighed, if there was one thing I was it sure wasn’t happy.
This is selfish, I thought. He loves me and nobody else. He tells me every single time I see him, even if it’s just when I get up to get a snack and come back to sit with him on the couch. It never fails that every time he does tell me, my heart skips ten thousand beats. I know I love him. No, forget that, I adore him. He is my world, my entire reason for living. Then why am I leaving? Because, you know it hurts him to leave you alone and you know when he’s out filming, he’s hurting. I slammed my head against the steering wheel and let the few tears I had been holding in slip out.
He did once tell me that every time he leaves it’s like a piece of him stays here. He gets distracted easily on set and the only way he can focus is if he’s constantly reminding himself that he’ll be with me soon. What is that doing to his emotional state? Completely ruining him. He needs to focus on his career and I’m just a distraction. I can’t do that to him. In the back of my mind, I kind of felt like Edward from Twilight. In New Moon, when he leaves her because he thinks its best, that’s exactly what I’m doing to Garrett. Did it work out for them? Who cares, they’re fictional characters, my voice of reason continued to shout.
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One Shot Requests CLOSED 4Ever!!!!
FanfictionA collection of oneshots most I wrote some like Thanks 1Dluver A New Machina and Bring Me To Life others wrote for me. I am taking requests.
