Three Bad Boys and A Waitress

Chapter 16

(A/n this chapter may be triggering to some people, contains mentions of suicide and alcohol)

My knuckles were gripped to the steering wheel so tightly, they were turning white. My heart was in my stomach and I was speeding, praying that I didn't get pulled over by a cop. The drive was short and I parked crookedly and ran around the park trying to find Connor. I saw him sitting in the middle of the road, just staring into space.

'Connor!' I shriek, he stays still on the road, not moving. He turns his head slightly and when he sees me he waves.

'Evening.' He says.

'Get off the road right now, Connor. This isn't funny.' I say firmly as he takes a swig of the drink in his hand. he laughs and stumbles over to me, I pull him up and sit him down on the grass.

'Why are you here? It's the middle of the night. Are you okay?' I ask him a million questions.

'You know, there are so many ways I could kill myself Arabella.' He says and I frown.

'Don't say that.' I whisper and he looks at me before shrugging.

'I could walk into traffic or I could drown myself in alcohol, I could put a gun to my head' He says as he finishes the bottle and throws it nearby. The glass shatters all over the pavement, I don't feel safe with him while he is so intoxicated.

'Why are you talking like this?' I ask sincerely and he scoffs at me.

'Like you care.' He says sadly.

'Of course I do. I wouldn't have driven out immediately if I didn't care.' I say.

'I'm messed up y'know?' Connor says angrily.

'Don't say that about yourself.' I say and he rolls his eyes.

'My sister is dead.' He says and I gasp.

'I'm so sorry Connor.' I say sincerely and he laughs bitterly, it's a sadistic pained laugh that makes my heart break.

'My little sister is dead because of me.' He says angrily, his eyes flash with guilt and anger.

'It's not your fault.' I say gently. This only makes him angrier.

'Why does everyone say that? It's bullshit! She's dead because I crashed the car! She's dead because I was drunk. She was in a coma for seven weeks and the doctors all told us she'd be fine. But she's not Arabella, she's dead. She'll never get married, she'll never finish school, she'll never have her first kiss, she won't be able to experience anything! She was 13 years old. 13 and she's gone.' Connor says the last part quietly and I'm struggling to hold back tears. I'm lost for words and I'm not sure how to comfort him. I just scoot closer to him and I let him cry into my lap.

'You'll be okay, you have Jackson and Parker and I and your parents.' I say softly and he nods his head.

'It's just so hard. You wouldn't understand.' He mutters.

'Tell me some of your happiest times with her.' I say hoping this will cool him down a little bit.

'I remember showing her how to play soccer, she wanted to become real good and play on the girls team. She had a natural talent for it, I didn't even teach it to her, she just knew how to do it. I used to help her with her homework and assignments. She was obsessed with baking and she'd always make the cutest cupcakes, I always used to be her 'Taste Tester' and tell her how amazing they were. I am going to miss her so much.' Connor sobs.

'She sounds amazing.' I say and he nods.

'She was. I should've died not her, do you think she's angry at me because I lived and she didn't? I mean I got away with a few cuts and bruises but she died.' He says and I shake my head.

'No of course not. You guys had an amazing relationship, she wouldn't think that at all.' I say truthfully.

'Do you think I'm a bad person Arabella?' He asks and he sounds so vulnerable.

'Arabella?' He says, his voice is hoarse from crying and yelling and he sounds so broken.

'Yeah?' I say.

'Do you think I'm a bad person?' He asks again.

'No you aren't.' I say truthfully.

'I'm sorry for being such a dick to you.' He says and I nod my head.

'It's okay, it's okay.' I say soothingly and he chokes back another sob. I stroke his hair and his breathing slows down, he's calmed down and I'm grateful for that.

'I stormed out of the house when I found out.' He says.

'Mum was hysterical and Dad was crying and trying to soothe her.' He says and I nod my head sadly.

'They think it's my fault.' He says.

'I'm sure they don't.' I try to reassure him.

'No, they think it's my fault, even my parents hate me.' He says and looks up to the sky, the park is dimly lit up by one streetlight, but it's the fluorescent stars that produce a light above us.

'Hey. Look at me. They don't hate you, they love you. They are just upset Connor, you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You need to realise that you have friends that care about you.' I say firmly and he nods, my message has clearly gotten across to him.

'I don't want to go home tonight.' He mumbles and I nod my head.

'You can crash on my couch, as long as you're gone before 8am. I don't think my parents would be too happy to find you on our couch.' I say and his face lights up.

'You're way too nice Arabella.' He says as he hugs me, he smells different from Parker, minty and fresh.

'I like helping people.' I say as I stand up and outstretch my hand, helping Connor up onto his feet. He's still intoxicated and he's hesitant about going in the car.

'Hey, it's okay.' I say as I place my hands on his shoulder, his breathing is erratic and he hesitantly hops into the front seat.

'So what's the deal with you and Parker?' He asks me and my breath hitches in my throat.

'We're dating.' I keep my eyes clear on the dark road ahead of me, out of the corner of my eye he looks defeated, I ignore it.

'Are you liking school?' I ask lamely not really sure how to spark conversation with him.

'It's okay, I don't like moving to new schools.' He says. I've never had to deal with that, I've always been at the same school and I'm grateful for that.

'Home sweet home.' I say cheerfully as I pull my small car into the driveway. I lead him into our house and pull out a blanket from the linen cupboard and place it on the couch.

'Here you go.' I say awkwardly and he smiles.

'I really appreciate it.' He says and gives me a quick hug, I say goodnight and pop upstairs. My eyelids are droopy and I quickly find myself asleep.