For Your Eyes Only

F i f t y - s i x

Harry

"Tay, I think you better go home, rest."

I heard my own concerned voice echo inside my head as I whispered those words to Taylor. It's the first time in these past two days that I said another word to her, one reason is, we're never alone –someone will always be around like Eleanor or Louis' mum– and another is, it came to me that she doesn't really want to talk. Right now, I just want to give it a try.

"I'll be fine." Taylor replied in a quiet, cracked voice. She seemed awfully tired these past days, she sounded awfully tired yet she always refuse to rest. Not once have I seen her sleep since I came here. It wasn't long before she added, "Besides, it's not like I can sleep when I want to."

If only she knew, I couldn't sleep well either. I never slept well. . . especially since the day we agreed that I'd let her go, I did that out of choice and I'm not even sure if I made a mistake about it.

"You have to go home, Tay, please."

Taylor sighed and finally looked at me. "Am I really the one who has to come home? I don't have a family, but someone else in the room does." She said and then smiled in a sad way. Her eyes were already glimmering with tears that never fell down, and her lips were already cracked and dry because of the times they never got to smile. I understand why, Louis is her bestfriend too. He was there when she was alone. He was there at the worst times. Louis was there when I wasn't, and I should have been. It's why I rarely left the hospital. Now that Louis can't be there for her, I had to be. I need to be.

"Tay, come on. I'll take you home. J-Just, please rest." I said, I knew she would not agree but, I had to try.

"You don't have to. Don't worry too much---"

Eleanor came through the door and sat near Taylor while I shift uncomfortably on my seat. I instantly look away, pretending not to listen. Later on, they both left the room, Eleanor invited her to have breakfast and she agreed. Amusing how she easily listens to Miss Calder.

Then there came the quiet moment, when I was all alone with my thoughts. Maybe I am a bit foolish for thinking about it, but Louis found a way to make her stay even if it wasn't on purpose. This lad surely had magic, if he really loves something, he'll find ways, even break through accidents. . . Me? I never did.  I loved Taylor, and I let her go, thrice in different scenarios. I still love her, I know she still loves me. Yet, she was the one who talked me out of it, I almost disregarded my family, and she convinced me not to. She's right, I couldn't just abandon Alison and Liz, Liz won't agree and Alison won't understand. . ., and Taylor? Knowing how she felt, she wouldn't be able to live with herself, it wouldn't have worked out. She is unselfish, she probably cared more about my family than I ever did. It's making me love her harder than I did before, even if she won't let me. Although, she did clear up one thing:

There'll be a time for us someday.

I'm kind of wondering when that time is, though I'm not rushing for it. I'm alright with where I am right now and I'm trying my best to keep my family. Taylor won't forgive me if I didn't.

It must have been thirty minutes or more when Eleanor came back, only with Louis' mum, Mrs. Johannah, and there wasn't a sign of Taylor. At first I pretended I didn't care. . . but, after a bit, I couldn't settle so I asked Miss Calder.

"Miss Calder, where is Taylor?" I asked, while looking at her.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "First name basis, please, Harry." She said, emphasizing my name.