For Your Eyes Only

E i g h t y - s e v e n

By midnight, Taylor was discharged seeing as the doctors saw it best that she goes home. She decided it for herself, she wanted to spend the rest of her time free rather than in a hospital. I understood it a little better but it was still hard to realise that there's a possibility that sooner or later, she'll be gone.

This isn't the way I planned today. . .

Alison was already asleep. As soon as Taylor got dressed in her normal clothes, we immediately went out of the room without saying a single word to each other. I decided to remain quiet, it wasn't that easy with all of this realisation. Mum even advised that I stay that way rather than to snap, I'll lose my mind if I did so I followed that advise.

I've been acting a bit cold towards Taylor and I have my reasons. I wasn't ready to talk to her about it yet. Eventually, she gave up on trying to talk to me. She remained quiet for the rest of the evening as I did the same. I was exhausted as ever but I didn't feel sleepy, I didn't feel hungry, I'm numb, I'm just tired of feeling.

I carried Alison with one arm while I kept my other hand interlocked with Taylor's. I kept my grip tight with hers, never wanting to let go. Everything inside me still feels heavy, and still I wonder why not a single tear came out. My breaths were deep and so was my thoughts.

Why can't this be a dream?

"H-Harry?" Taylor asked, hesitation filled her voice. At this point, we're almost at the exit.

I faced her with a blank expression.

"Can I carry her, please?" She requested.

I wasn't sure, I was hesitant about it. I trust her with Alison, she knows that. . . but do I trust the fates that she won't faint again? Or worse. . . God please forbid the worse.

"I swear, I'm alright. Please." She said, her lovely voice at its quietest. It was like a soft whisper, a smooth melody. I'll always will want to hear that.

I sighed and let go of my grip from her hand. She reached out her arms and I gave my sleeping daughter to her. She thanked me and again, I didn't reply. She just doesn't know how bad I feel inside.

I wrapped one arm around her waist and I kissed her temple, also taking a deep breath. Her familiar floral scent, the texture of her skin, her presence, her being next to me. . . it's tragic to think that someday these will no longer exist, only in my memories. And that someday, I never thought it would be near.

I still refuse to believe that. I wouldn't accept it. Never.

It was so cold outside, it was freezing. But it wasn't just the weather, it was the mood between Taylor and I. I looked up at the sky for a second, thinking about how I still feel the same, like the night sky, dark, cold, and barely alive. She's my life, my dream, my world, everything. . . now however will I keep going? I still kept her near, my arm was still around her waist. She didn't react about it, she just kept walking as quietly as possible.

Once we reached the car, I opened the door to the backseat. I gestured for Taylor to give me Alison so she did. I placed Alison on her usual seat and pulled the seatbelt over her. I walked pass Taylor and went to the driver's seat, the same time I leaned back was when she sat on the passenger's seat.

She sighed and I looked at her first. And then I closed the door. She didn't bother looking at me until. . .

"Harry, I was going to tell you. I--" her voice, it was quiet, calm and as soft as a whisper. It seemed as though she's almost going to cry. I didn't want to hear that, I didn't need to hear it. It's as painful as it already is, I didn't want things to grow worse between the two of us.