For Your Eyes Only

E i g h t y - s i x

Now I understand why the hospital is white. . . it's clean, but other than that, it's blank. Just like my world would be if I lose her.

My heart froze in time as I gathered the strength to go back inside. I turned the door knob, hands as numb as I couldn't feel. I walked back inside with the same old empty feeling and horrible fear.

I saw Taylor, now awake, talking quietly and cheerfully to Alison who was seated beside her. As I walk in, I saw her following me with her gaze and I stared back. I sat on a couch near the wall and watch the two. I wasn't in the mood to talk at all, what can I still say? What words do I have left?

"I'll be fine, princess. Don't worry about me." Taylor said, smiling like she didn't just say the lie I wanted to believe. I wished she wasn't lying but between the two of us, we knew what's going to happen.

"Hazz." She called out for me.

I didn't break my stare from her. Not a twitch, blink or flinch. I was still frozen, I was still in my nightmares. It wasn't that easy to get out. "Has the doctor talked to you?" She asked.

I nodded. I couldn't exactly say another word. I want her to explain! I want her to say what's wrong, I want her to say. . . nothing is wrong.

"Don't worry, they'll discharge me anytime soon." She replied and then faced Alison. "Princess, have you ate yet?" She asked.

I remained quiet all throughout their conversation. I barely had the words to say. She didn't deny it, though. God, little did she know every minute I've spent quietly was horrible torture inside my head. It was the same time again when I could barely breathe, but I didn't pay attention to that. How could I?

"Yes. How are you feeling?" Alison asked, worry filled her voice.

"I'm fine, I'm telling you. Don't worry about me, alright princess?" Taylor lied. I understood why she had to do that but, it's just harder to think that I'm badly wishing that those lies were true. A million questions ran through my mind and there wasn't an answer for any of them.

Why her?
Why does it have to be Taylor?!

I wish it was me instead. What did she do? She's still too young, she can't be taken away now. She can't. . . and I refused to believe everything, I'm not losing Taylor. Nothing is wrong, damn it, I just want her to say those words. Nothing is wrong, nothing. I don't care what this is right now but it's not real.

"I was just tired, okay? You seem tired too. Do you want to sleep beside me?" Taylor asked and I still stared directly. I never wanted to get her out of my sight though I knew that was rather impossible.

Alison nodded and lied beside Taylor. It wasn't long before Alison fell asleep beside her. I still kept staring, disbelieving, hardly accepting the fact that this is real. It can't be happening, it's not supposed to.

I know for a fact that she knows what's on my mind. I'm not angry at her, it's about something else. Does she even know how hard it feels inside? How painful it is? My head is aching like a train hit me, and my chest was tightening once more.

"Harry." She called out for me after a moment of silence. I only blinked, I wanted her to know that I'm listening but I can't say a word. "Are you mad at me?"

I took a deep breath, feeling my tears burning up inside my eyes. The same as earlier, they didn't reach the point of overflow. Not a single tear was shed. And I just stared, was I angry? Yes, maybe, but not at her. I don't know what I am angry at, I just feel it. . . I couldn't really understand.

"Harry, can't you please just talk to---"

At that very moment, the doctor went inside. I took a glance and then my burning gaze went right back at Taylor. I bit my lip and continued with watching her. Her attention shifted to the doctor.