Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 50 - Focusing

Chapter 50

I was in the dressing room of a photography studio, waiting for my makeup to be done. A bunch of us models were being prepared to begin shooting the new spring/summer catalogue of H&M. It was still December, so we were doing a lot of stuff indoors with loads of lighting and artificial backgrounds to make it seem real.

It had been about three weeks since Kyle had broken up with me, and i hd been pretty much keeping myself to myself; i didnt have time to waste anymore. I hadn’t told a single person about the modelling contract, as I felt like someone would ruin it for me.

After we finished with the Spring/Summer stuff with the backgrounds, we were taken onto a runway to do some catwalk shots.

We finished the shoot at about 9pm, after about 13 hours of me wearing shoes that had been mostly too small for me. I sat down in my section of the dressing room, trying to massage my feet but it wasn’t working much. I put my normal clothes back on and walked towards the entrance of the studio, where there was a minibus waiting for us.

As I sat in the uncomfortable leather seat, I took my phone out of my bag. Not a single person had tried to contact me for the whole 13-ish hours. Shows how much people really cared about me…

The minibus pulled up in the bus station (where I had requested to be dropped off), and I climbed out and walked over to the part where my bus home stopped.

By this time it was about 10:15, and i was freezing cold. I pulled my cardigan around me a bit more, trying to retain more body heat. Sitting in the bus station made me realise how alone I really was. I spoke to Anton, my dad and a few other family members every once in a while, but I still felt deserted. My “closest friends” all knew that Kyle had broken up with me, but apart from Jade and Paige, none of them had bothered to check if I was feeling okay.

I got home about 20 minutes later and went straight to bed, not bothering to eat, shower or even brush my teeth.

***

I woke up the next morning and did some coursework. Once i had finished that i had nothing to do and no-one to talk to as Sasha had gone out. I had a bottle of Malibu in my room, so i drank that whilst watching a boring kids film. I had begun drinking on pretty much a daily basis because aside from work (including modelling) and college, i had absolutely nothing else to do.

Although i was experiencing success with the modelling, everything else in my life felt like the punchline of a shit joke. I felt like i was stuck at the bottom of a black hole, wondering when someone was gonna come and pull me out.

I got up and decided to clean up the entire house, and then made myself some food.  I sat at the desk in my bedroom eating my chicken salad, feeling a tiny bit better about myself. My phone vibrated loudly on the table with the name ‘Jade’ flashing on the screen.

“Hello” i said, glad to have someone to talk to

“I’ve had the most amazing idea. Since we’re both queen fashonistas… we should start our own clothing line!” she said.

“That’s a good idea, but do we really have the means to do that? I mean, I don’t even have like a sewing machine or shit – how would it even work?”