Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 75 - A New Beginning

A week had passed sincethe day of Karina's funeral. Meisha was still missing and we were all really worried. The police had been notified but they didn't seem to be doing much about it, so her family wanted to start up a campaign to make people aware. 

It was a tuesday morning and I was sat on my laptop, trying to make a list of places to search for Meisha and people to contact. Kyle was on the sofa, sitting quietly as he made a list of the last few things we needed to buy before having the baby.

"Are you sure you don't want to have a baby shower?" He asked, drawing my attention from the screen. 

I turned and looked at him and thought for a second.

"What's the point, all of my friends are depressed right now, and I'm not even in the mood to celebrate myself. People can just visit once she's born and bring gifts if they want to." 

He made a face like he wanted to say something then turned back to his list. 

"Babe, you know, not everything is on you. You don't have to try and fix everything, you're only one person and right now we're all going through a hard time but you need to be happy too... And you need to think about our baby." He said, walking over and pulling me up from my chair.

"Take some time for yourself and relax, you can't fix everything, let her family deal with it." He said, trying to hug me

I held onto him for a moment and then pushed him away. 

"I can't! If it hadn't been for my birthday, none of this would have happened. Karina would still be alive and Paige would still be pregnant." I said, breaking down.

"You don't know that, Karim would have gone too far eventually and Paige could have gone into labour at any time. Celebrating your birthday didn't cause this mess." He said, hugging me again and holding me tight.

The feeling of his arms wrapped around me was only a small comfort, I felt so tense and anxious, like I couldn't breathe properly. I felt like this all the time, and the doctor had said to take the tablets when I felt that way, but I hadn't taken them for a few days. 

I sat back at the table and Kyle stood there, watching over me with a hand on my shoulder. 

"Before I go to work, lets go out and get some fresh air, and some food if you're hungry." He said, walking into the bathroom and turning the shower on. 

"Get ready." He sat back down and waited for me to get up. 

As I was in the shower, I thought about how supportive he hd been since my birthday, and I wondered if he was still feeling the way he had said he was on my birthday. It still hadn't been addressed and at this point, it probbly never would be brought up by him again. But I was getting closer and closer to having this baby, and if I was gonna be alone I wanted to know from now. 

"Kyle, come here." 

"What, what's wrong?" He said, as he entered the bathroom. 

"Do you still feel that you're not ready to have this baby." I looked him dead in the face as I asked. 

It felt like forever until he spoke, the only sound in the bathroom was the water from the shower splattering against the bathtub. 

The fact that he stayed silent for so long told me all I needed to know.

"So when were you gonna tell me?" 

"It's not that I'm not ready, I don't know if I'm prepared, that's why I wanna sort everything out sooner rather than later."