Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 53 - Why Does it Hurt So Bad?

Chapter 53  

I slowly opened my eyes and everything felt really hazy. My head was between my legs, and someone was pressing me down so that I couldn’t move.  

“Just keep taking deep breaths” a deep voice said quietly. It was Kyle’s voice  

“Stop, let me get up. I can’t breathe!” I said, struggling to raise my head. I felt like I was going to suffocate with my head between my knees.

I was propped up against the kitchen wall and Kyle was sat in front of me, holding my hand.   I used the hand that he wasn’t holding to feel my face. It was wet with what I assumed was tears, but I couldn’t even remember crying. I suddenly felt a churning in my stomach and felt short of breath – I was going to vomit. I got up and ran up to the bathroom and vomited over the sink, not even caring if Kyle saw. He had followed behind me and was sitting on the edge of the bath stroking my back.

After about 5 minutes, I finally stopped vomting and kneeled over the sink, resting my head against the cold porcelain.   I felt like I was dying, and still couldn’t breathe properly.  

“Should I take you to the hospital?” he asked   I shook my head and sat on the floor, slumped against the wall. I closed my eyes, trying to block everything out. I heard him running the tap, probably to rinse out the sink of my vomit.

Without realising that it was happening, I felt hot tears sliding out of my eyes. I sat there crying for what felt like ages, I couldn’t move at all.  

The doorbell rang after about half an hour of us sitting in the bathroom.   “Should I answer it?” he asked. I nodded and heard him get up and run downstairs.   I heard the person at the door ask ‘Why are you here?’ when he opened the door. It was Chelsea.

“she’s in the bathroom,” he said, ignoring her question. I heard the front door close and two sets of footsteps come up the stairs.  

“oh babe....” I felt her wrap her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “have she been throwing up?” I heard her ask Kyle  

“Yeah” he said quietly   She let go of me and walked over to the window opening it. I opened my eyes again as she sat net to me and put her arm around me  

“I wanna go to bed.” I said, getting up and walking towards my bedroom. I laid down on the bed and Chelsea sat next to me. I had started to doze off until the doorbell rang again. Chelsea got up to answer it and Kyle sat where she had been sitting.  

“I think I’m gonna go yeah? Coz more of your family is coming over and I feel like I’m intruding. If you need anything just call me, even if it’s the middle of the night.” He said, kissing my cheek and standing up  

“can’t you stay a bit longer?” I asked   He was about to answer and then my bedroom door swung open and Anton entered the room  

“this is so fucked up!” he said, sitting down on the bed and holding his head in his hands. Kyle looked at me and mouthed ‘I’ll ping you’ then left the room as Chelsea came back in.   We sat in silence, none of us knowing what to say or do except cry. In a way I was angry at myself for even being upset; after everything she had done to me in the last few months and I was this upset.   She had been nothing but a bitch to me, I should’ve been happy that she was dead but I didn’t have it in me to be so evil.  

***

A few days passed and I had gone to stay with my auntie and cousins because she didn’t want me to be alone. I was sitting on the bed in the spare room, just staring into space. I was sick of being cooped up indoors for now reason. I had kind of already begun coming to terms with her death, and had stopped crying the morning after I found out. It was like everyone was expecting me to just around crying, being depressed all day and night but it wasn’t going to happen. The woman had exactly been a mother to me even before she let her stupid boyfriend kick me out. She never showed me any affection or told me that she loved me apart from when she said stuff like “I only criticise you because I love you.” Oh please.