Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 35 Part 1

I woke up the next morning feeling extremely tired, as I had spent most of the night crying and trying to sort my life out. I stayed in bed for a bit longer then got up.

I had a shower and everything then turned on my laptop. It was weird - I hadn't heard from Kyle at all; he hadn't even tried to contact me, which was extremely odd. Normally he would be calling me non-stop for days on end.

I had blocked people from writing on my wall, so there were no stupid messages to attend to this time. I looked at the time and realised it was only 10:30; nobody was even around.

I decided to clear out my Facebook inbox. When I opened it, I realised Kyle had sent me message the day before. It read "I'm sorry." I didn't know what to think. It was because of him that I was in this position, but thinking about it, he hadn't actually done anything wrong...

Oryan burst into the room, interrupting my train of thought.

"Get up, we're going travel agents." He pulled me off of the bed, despite my protests - I wanted to reply to Kyle's message. When I said this to Oryan he simply said 'forget him' and gave me five minutes to get dressed.

**

About two hours later, we were leaving the travel agents. We had booked flights to Jamaica in July, for me, my dad, Oryan, his mum and sister, and my brother's children.

I don't know why, but my dad had suddenly decided that we all had to go to Jamaica...

On the way home, I turned on my phone and went on Facebook. Kyle had sent me another message, this time saying "I miss you..."

I still found it quite weird witnessing him acting like a sweet guy, especially because of the way he portrayed himself to his 'boys' - when he was with me, it was a completely different story. I would never quite understand why guys do that...

**

After going to McDonalds, we drove home. I sat on the bed, quietly thinking about my life, and what my next move was gonna be... we weren't scheduled to go to Jamaica for about a month, so I had a lot of time to sort my self out.

I felt to give myself a makeover, but didn't know where to start - I needed to do my eyebrows, wax my body and wash my hair - but I just couldn't be bothered to even move; my body suddenly felt incredibly heavy. I had suddenly developed a headache, so I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes.

I suddenly felt a weight on top of me. I opened my eyes to find Kyle on top of me. When he noticed that I was awake, he kissed me on the lips and began kissing my neck. We were both already naked, so he positioned himself between my legs and slid into me.

Something hit my thigh and I opened my eyes - it had been a dream; a dream which had definitely stimulated my body. It had been my aunty who had hit my leg, she was waking me up to come and eat, but I didn't wanna eat - I wanted the dream to come true...

As we sat at the table, eating spaghetti Bolognese, I began composing a text message for Kyle. I didn't even know what to say, there was so much to say, but at the same time there was very little to say.

I decided to go down the simple road: 'I miss you too. If that was how u felt about the baby, why didn't you say something from the beginning? Xx'

As usual, he took ages to reply. When he replied I was watching the 10pm repeat of EastEnders on BBC Three.

'Dunno... what could I say anyway... it's your body not mine'

I didn't reply because I didn't know what to say... like I had said before, I was tired of having to forgive him for the stupidness he wants to get up to. Being in a relationship with somebody isn't supposed to be about constantly fighting or crying, it should be about showing your love and commitment to each other. He was making me look like a weak little girl - that wasn't who I was at all.

A good Christian is supposed to forgive and forget and all that, but what's the point of forgiving someone if you can't forget what they did; if it will always be stuck at the back of your mind, haunting the two of you...?