Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 17

Kyle grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I don't know why but I squeezed back

"It's positive." My face dropped and I could feel tears in my eyes.

"I'll leave the two of you alone for a while. When I come back we can discuss what your next move will be."

I put my head down between my legs and kept it there for a while. I didn't know what to do, but all I knew was my life was either way my life was gonna be ruined. If I had an abortion, I would feel like shit for the rest of my life. If I kept it, my mum would beat the black out of me.

"What do you wanna do then?" I kept quiet for a bit and then sat up

"I don't know." I sat there hugging myself whilst staring into space. I looked over at him.

"What do you wanna do?" I asked him. We were both in the predicament, but I was gonna get the short straw no matter what happened.

"Well it aint really up to me, it's up to you. It's your body init..."

"Err hello! It's your child as well, I'm not gonna make a decision for you to hold it against me for the rest of our lives."

He paused; as if he didn't wanna say what he was gonna say

"I think we should get rid of it. I mean, you're still young; you're in college and shit. And we both know your mum won't be happy about this."

He was right, but I didn't wanna just go along with what he was saying; I'm not a dickhead.

After ten more minutes of silence the nurse came back.

"Have you decided??"

I nodded. I looked at Kyle. He nodded as well

"I'm going to have an abortion." I stated without any emotion.

The nurse nodded and started talking about stuff. She said I was just over nine weeks pregnant, which meant that I couldn't just take a pill and go home, I had to have it sucked out of me. She talked about everything that was gonna happen but I wasn't really paying attention. She made an appointment which was about two weeks away.

We left the clinic about twenty minutes later and Kyle dropped me home. The next two weeks were going to be very long...

***

I woke up really early on the Monday morning. I had been tossing and turning all night...

My appointment was at 1:30 and the time was 8am. I started college late on Mondays, so I got dressed like normal, in a plain black Adidas adicolours tracksuit.

My mum had already left so I tried to jam in front of the TV for a bit, but I honestly couldn't concentrate. I left my house around 12 to meet Kyle at the clinic... as I walked to the bus stop I felt as if I was walking to my death. I felt like I was walking around in a daze.

Before the abortion could actually happen we had to go and talk to that stupid nurse again. She was chatting some nonsense about contraception for after the abortion. You should have seen the dirty screw she received from me.

She took me into some room and gave me one of those gowns to put on, she also told me to take my knickers off.

The nurse came back with a doctor who explained what was gonna happen as if I didn't already know. They left the room and Kyle came in.

"You know you can't stay in here...?" I asked him, it was a bit obvious mate

"Yeah... I just wanted to say something. I know you probably hate me, I don't blame you though; it's my own stupid fault... but I wanna change - I'm gonna change. For you." He said, and then walked out of the room before I could respond.

***

The next thing I knew, I was lying in some room where there was like two other beds. The girl laying on the bed next to me was crying. At first I was confused - I thought maybe I was in hospital...until I remembered where I really was, and what I'd just done.

As I realised that my life was never gonna be the same I started crying.

After I had been awake for about 45 mins a nurse came in to check on us. She helped the other girl to get dressed and then took her out of the room. She came back in and started talking to me. She brought me a glass of water and said she would come back later.

About half an hour later I was lying on the back seat of Kyle's car. It wasn't the same car that he was 'looking after' or whatever bullshit he said, it was a different one. Yeah, so I was laying on the backseat trying to ignore the stupid pains in my belly, it was like I was being haunted by the ghost of my unborn child. We were sitting in the car park of Asda, literally just sitting there. Neither of us was speaking it was really awkward.

"Are you OK?" I asked Kyle

He turned and looked at me like he hadn't even clocked I was there.

He nodded and then coughed

"Do you wanna go home now or...?"

I said yeah and climbed into the front seat.

We pulled up in front of my house and he turned off the engine.

"So wa gwarn then?" he asked... I had no idea what he was talking about

"With what??"

"Us... wa gwarn with us?"

I rolled my eyes. I just fucking killed off my child and this prick is here chatting shit about "us"

"There is no us, Kyle. I think it's time I made myself clear - I can't be with you; you cheated on me with someone I thought was a friend. There's nothing keeping us together anymore, I've had an abortion nothing ties us together anymore." I said, and then I opened the door and got out of the car.

He got out as well.

"What the fuck, Ciara? How you gonna end it like that?" he followed me as I walked to my front door

"Darling, you ended it the moment you put your stuff in that bitch."

I unlocked my front door and walked in, slamming the door in his face.

I leaned against the door and took a deep breath. It was finally over.

I went straight to my laptop and logged on to Facebook - I updated my relationship status to 'Single' and went through my friends' list deleting Kyle, Rachel, Kellie and anyone else I didn't really know before I got with him. Technically I already knew Kellie but I didn't like her anyway.

It felt like I could finally breathe again.