Sold To A Beast

Grief

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Leave a person to grieve or face the wrath of pain from the still open wound.

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TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING: ptsd symptoms, eating disorders, thoughts of self harm, thoughts of death.

This is what it feels like to die.

Dameon had to knock me out to carry me back to the pack house, I wouldn't have been able to walk back myself in my condition anyhow. I was in excruciating pain when coming to, my body feeling broken and I couldn't breathe without thinking about it.

I had stopped crying hours ago, no longer able to produce tears. My body lacked energy, and the few times Dameon and Gale had gotten me to drink anything wasn't enough for me anymore.

Nothing solid would stay in my system, IV and small takings of water kept me alive.

This is what it feels like.

This is what dying feels like.

Dameon stayed in my room most times, switching with Gale in the evenings or sometimes during the day when he needed to leave. Gale watched over me while I slept, he was more gentle with me when I screamed from the nightmares and couldn't go back to sleep for hours.

Sometimes I think they're in here because they're afraid I might kill myself.

Brooklyn would attempt to talk to me like I was still a human being, and for a long time I couldn't even look at her, much less say a word. I knew she was hurting from the loss of her brother, but the guilt was driving me crazy and it was already taking so much of me to not yell at everyone to try and feel better.

I keep waiting to wake up and this all be a dream, no longer any fairytale endings, I would take waking back up in the auctions at this point.

The neighboring Alphas and Lunas were staying with us for the next week or so, occasionally traveling back to their home to attend some matters before returning that evening. They offered their assistance until I was ready to lead on my own.

I didn't have a clear answer for them, hating to inconvenience them after they had gone through so much as well.

I've decided to sleep in my first room again, not able to stand the emptiness of the one Andrew and I shared. It smells like him, with his clothes and shoes still waiting to be worn. It's like he's still alive, living here.

I have a daily routine of walking outside and around the pack house. Not because I want to, but because it's supposed to cure my depression. Gale and Dameon would walk with me usually, filling the air with conversation to avoid my silence.

However, today the sky cried with rain. It's been like this since he died, clearing off for about an hour or so before flooding us again.

Gale and I stood in the opened doorway, looking at the puddles and raindrops crashing around us. "Sorry Emily. We can't go out today." Gale urged me inside and took hold of my hand, my eye twitching at the contact and the absence of vibration.

Gale and I wandered the halls slowly, My body covered in too many bruises and cuts for me to move comfortably. My throat was healed mostly, a long scar running horizontally across my neck that everyone was scared to acknowledge or look at.

Dameon had called for our attention when he saw us, waving us his direction as he stood outside the dining room waiting on us. The scheduled dinner time meant that a portion of the pack was inside the room, waiting for me.