For You I Will | MAC

43.| Reburned bridges.

I slowly lowered myself to a seated fetal position, staring up at Mac with tear filled eyes, did he think id ever done him wrong?

I could never hurt him, not now, not after all we had been through. His memory was starting to return, but his view was limited to his side and only his side of every story, every problem we have ever faced.

In his eyes no wrongs had been righted, we had never reconciled from any fight. And worst of all, something I feared more than anything else. I was still dead.

"What do you remember?" I choked, letting salty tears slip down my cheeks.

"You, meeting you, wanting you, I remember some bad stuff, some stuff I shouldn't have said or done. I made you want to kill yourself, I THOUGHT you where dead. I remember. That's why I tried to kill myself I bet." He shook his head, chewing at his bottom lip.

"I never even thought about it that way Mac, I didn't think you loved me anymore." I told him honestly, thinking back to his release.

"I could never not love ya" he reached over, putting his rough hand on my thigh.

When his hand touched my skin a million memories came rushing back, I let my mind slow down as I recalled the moment I'd truly chosen him in my mind, I hadn't even known it yet.

That night in the canyon.

"What does all this mean?" I asked him as he just shifted around awkwardly.

"What it says, I'm a bad guy I get that, you should run now" he said, never once looking at me.

"I'm not going to run" I said, I meant it. I didn't want to hurt Mac.

I opened my eyes as the fire on my leg ceased, the tepid air replacing the once scorching warmth.

My eyes met Macs beautifully distraught baby blues.

"Why?" He gasped, curling his hand into his side as if he could kill me with a single touch.

"Why what?" I responded, already half way certain of what he would say

"Why didn't you run?"  He shook his head, in an instant he was standing over me, "look!" He screamed, "look what hell I've drug ya through, I'm a monster! Why are you here, run!" There was no pause, no second in which to think, Mac was shutting me out.

I'd been dying for his memory to return all along, and now I realized it was only the bad. He was seeing the worst of every situation.

He was unable to love himself, I had to show him how.

I had figured out that when he touched me he remembered whatever thought came to my mind, in real time- the way I recalled it.

So I had an idea, if I could touch him and he could see, how amazing I really think he is. All the good he's done, maybe then he would understand, why I didn't run.

"Mac" I pleaded as I held my hand out, reaching for his chest.

He backed away, shaking his head, "Just go, Mace"

"I can't" I told him, cornering him as he backed into the wall.

I placed my palm flat against his chest, thinking about how much I truly loved him. I searched deep, for all the best memories.

I let them take over as I could vividly hear his voice.

"Its all over now, baby, just wait here okay?" I heard him say as he lifted me into his strong waiting arms.

It was the day he had saved me from Grant.

Then came the memories of the time he had refused to touch me out of pure respect.

"Why mac? What's the problem?" I hissed, straddling his lap.

"You don't need to be doing this shit!" He said, trying to move me off of him again.

"Why?" I pressed.

"Grant told me what happened to ya, I ain't touching you, I won't do it, not because your damaged, not because you're any less fuckin perfect but because the last thing ya need is for me to trigger something!" He yelled.

And the most powerful of all, I laid my head against his chest, listening to his quickened heartbeat as I remembered the night I proclaimed my love for him, the first time I'd reassured him of everything he truly was to me...
Is that what he thought, i wanted Mac in every way one person could want another.

"Theres nowhere in the world id rather be than with you" I corrected him.

"Yeah right" he scoffed.

I leaned in pressing my lips against his.

"Right" i said as we broke apart.

He smiled at me, a genuine smile.

"So you're mine then?" he asked, just to make sure.

"Yeah im yours, Mac, and You? Youre mine" I kissed him again.

I waited silently, unable to tell for sure if my memories had done anything to show him all the good he'd done.

"I love you Macey Howard, I still know I'm far from perfect" he hushed into my ear.

"So am I, Mac," I reminded him, "but I want whatever this is forever"

"Yeah" he sighed, "Its a good thing, too, cause you're stuck with me, woman" With that he pressed his lips to my forehead.

And just like that, it was fixed, bridges burned in the past where burned once more, and he and I, we were still on the same side of the smoke and fire.

*****