Darkness Changes... (BBC Sherlock Fanfiction)

Chapter 19- A Sociopath Being Less... Sociopathy?

A/N- Quite long and a bit of a set up chapter, tried to make more sense of the story...

Please let me know if something doesn't make sense and do comment any questions, I will almost always answer... enjoy ;)

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Darcy's POV

"Darcy, what's wrong?" It was Sherlock. He was knocking on the door and asking me what was wrong. "Please let me in." He almost pleaded with me.

I lifted my head and stared at the wall opposite. "Go away." I said quietly and leant more against the door.

"Are you hurt?" Sherlock asked through the door, obviously given up trying to get me to let him in his bedroom.

"No." I answered and put my head back on the door.

I heard him sigh and shuffle slightly, he was sitting down. "I can sit out here all night, you know I can, and you'll have to leave at some point."

Knowing he was right, I sat forward and opened the door slightly. Seconds later, Sherlock's head popped through the gap and he scrambled into the room. He closed the door behind him and sat next to me.

Instead of asking me again what was wrong he simply raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Do you ever feel that there's too much going on..." I raised a shaky hand to my head. "...up there?"

"All the time." Sherlock answered pointedly and smirked.

I nodded and stretched my legs out in front of me. "I figured as much."

Instead of saying anything, we both sat in silence as neither of us knew what to say. Sherlock for obvious reasons was struggling to comprehend emotions and I was too overcome with them to figure out what to say.

"Emotionally unstable." Sherlock stated out of the blue and I frowned up at him. "It's what you're going through and I would like to know why."

I smirked and fixed my gaze at the wall again. "Is that your way of asking me what's going on in my life?"

Sherlock contemplated his answer before smiling slightly. "Yes, I suppose. So, what's, you know, urm-going on?"

"Not much." I shrugged and chuckled under my breath when he glared at me. "I'm confused, that's all. I've never been confused before." I mused to myself and sat back against the door.

"What are you confused about?" Sherlock asked and slouched so he was more at level with me.

I looked at him sceptically from the corner of my eye and he gave me a reassuring look. "Feelings I guess. What I'm feeling. About everything that's happened since I was kidnapped, I don't know why I'm just..." I trailed off and frowned, pulling my legs up to my chest.

"You feel like your body is betraying you. You've spent most of your life blocking out feelings and such, now that you've been affected by something traumatic you've let your guard down." Sherlock stated and pulled his own legs up to mimic me.

After that I said nothing more since he was right, I knew he was. I had let my guard down, by letting Scott in and being emotionally affected by what Irene had done to me.

"Conditioning. Negative reinforcement. By torturing you she forced you to act the way you do." Sherlock stated and sat up straighter again.

My expression softened and I felt the phantom pain of the electric jolts going through my body. "Even when I did as she told me I was still hurt. Every other night or so I'd spend in the basement. It was dark and surprisingly warm from all the damp down there." I finally admitted.