Abstinence

Chapter 6.

I was being awoken by lips pressing to my temple and my lips, my name being uttered in a hushed whisper in between each kiss. "Alice, baby."

My eyes flutter open, I half expected to be blinded by sunlight but it was more of a dull-red and medium blue than anything. The sun isn't even up yet, so why am I being awoken?

I look to the culprit who decided to wake me up before the sun, only to find a smiling Hayden leaning over me. He's in a better mood this morning. But I'm still on edge from his behavior last night.

His side of the bed is untouched, exactly how it was before I went to sleep. He hasn't even slept yet, how can he be in a better mood?

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night, you didn't deserve my anger."

"Do I ever?" I question, my voice hoarse from sleep.

"Sometimes." He chuckles. "But definitely not last night. I want to make it up to you. Let's start with breakfast?"

I sit up preparing to get out of the bed when he kisses me. His lips were moving fervently against mine and I wasn't prepared for that type of kiss. Especially when I just woke up. I pull back, breaking the kiss before it can get too deep and stand from the bed. "I'm going to brush my teeth, I'll meet you downstairs."

He nods once and I walk into the bathroom closing and locking the door, so he doesn't walk in to try and finish what he started on the bed.

His hot and cold mood swings give me whiplash. I can't keep up with him. I shouldn't be afraid to be around him and question his innocence and then a few hours later be all over him, touching and loving and maybe even fucking. It shouldn't be that way.

I don't like that he keeps secrets from me out of fear that I will leave him over something he's done in the past. I can't hold his past against him, that was things he did before me, and it would be unfair of me to judge him or leave him because of what he once did with other people. I can only hold him accountable for what he does now, while we're together. He doesn't seem to understand that.

I rinse my mouth and face after putting my toothbrush back in it's holder, I exit the bathroom. Hayden has already left the room and I go into the closet putting one of his black button down's on over my nightgown, in case he decides to have a fit about my outfit again.

I hurry downstairs to join Hayden outside where he had all of the food set out. I sit down beside him grabbing my plate and looking out at the sky. It's a shame I don't wake up this early every morning, it's so beautiful and serene out here at this hour.

Hayden was quiet too, with his plate in his lap but he wasn't eating. He was thinking, and he was thinking hard. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but the quietness was comforting . . . to me anyway. Hayden doesn't seem to be enjoying it that much.

By the time I had finished my breakfast, the sun was already up and Hayden was still lost in his thoughts. I moved closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. We both begin talking at the same moment, all I heard from him was hate. "You go first." I chuckle.

"Do you hate me?"

"Never." I answer and I mean it.

"Should I?" My question was supposed to be taken as a joke, but when I laughed he didn't.

"I am that person your parents warn you to stay far away from, but every time I do something that should make you hate me or say something that should make you leave, you stay."

"Shouldn't that be a good thing?" I ask him.

"The selfish part of me loves that about you. I know you deserve better, but I don't want to give you up. I need you."