Abstinence

Chapter 23.

[a.n.] A quick forewarning, I wrote this chapter at 3/4 in the morning and I was high off of caffeine. If this chapter seems insane and all over the place and like it's rambling, let me just tell you, that was my mindset at the time. There was so much going on in my head and I was typing down literally EVERYTHING (whether it made sense or not haha) Happy reading!

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I didn't receive a single phone call from Hayden at all. Not in the morning, or the afternoon, or the evening. I didn't get a call back from Hayden's lawyer even though I left him two voice messages and one email about getting back to me in a timely fashion to discuss Hayden's recent arrest. I had no clue what was going on. I was left with unanswered questions, even Wade didn't have any answers. Hayden hasn't made a single call to any of us since he's been in jail.

I would go visit him to see what's happening but the visiting hours are from 9 AM to 4 PM. I work during those hours. I can't continuously take off my working because of my personal life. I'm not sick nor am I on vacation, I have a career to focus on and a license to work towards, I can't always leave work to to try to tend to my personal problems. When I walk into the doors of this office, my problems should stay outside until it's time for me to face them again.

If Hayden doesn't call me today and his lawyer doesn't get back to me, I will have no choice but to wait until the weekend.

I haven't told anyone what I found out about Hayden's whereabouts for many reasons. One, no one knew he was missing in the first place. Two, I don't know what to tell them as to the reason why he's back in jail. Three, I have absolutely zero answers. Four, I don't want to talk about it. The entire situation is just so stressful. I like to use work and studying as an escape from my problems at home. If I were an addict of any sort, which I'm not, I'd prefer to be a workaholic.

I like working and learning and reading. I like reading about the mind and how it works and how people think. I like to sit behind my computer and listen and take notes on different lectures about mental disorders in adults and children. I enjoy learning new things that I haven't yet had the opportunity to learn. I find a sense of joy and a bit of a high when I hear and learn about other psychologist and psychiatrist philosophies and studies. I like research. It's all fun for me so I prefer to bury myself in learning all that I can instead of stressing about my home life.

When I think about my situation at home I get sad and sometimes even upset. I find myself getting lost in thought with millions of questions as to why we were put in this situation. Why is Lina putting not only Hayden, but me, in this situation? Why did we trust Erika enough to open up our place with her and her son only to have her steal something important to Hayden? What was in the safe? Why is Hayden back in jail? Why won't he call me? Why? Why? Why?

Being around other doctors on a daily basis is not a safe place for me to be extra emotional about my sad life. They can all sense negative and positive feelings so I prefer to stay neutral around them to avoid any confrontation.

By Monday, Dr. James is going to find out something is up when Hayden doesn't show up to his appointment at 9. He has been anticipating that session since Hayden has been released. Unfortunately the only session they'll be having is in a visitors room, if they can even get the privacy of a room.

Hopefully before Monday can get here I will have the answers I need to be able to tell Dr. James exactly what I know. Until then, I'm keeping my mouth sealed on the topic of Hayden.

"I throw a fun party." Dr. Reece says and I vaguely recall him telling me about a halloween party he's planning. "And I promise you will have an exceptional, mind blowing time."