Abstinence

Chapter 29.

When she wasn't arguing with me, she was actually fine. I did like getting to know things about her and her life growing up. I wanted to know all that I could about her career in psychiatry. It kind of made me want to further my career choice from psychotherapy to psychiatry just for the extra title and knowledge. 

She grew up with only her mom, her dad passed away in the army when she was little. Her mother was a general surgeon and they didn't spend as much time together as she did with nannies. When they were together, her mom would teach her whatever she could. Listening to that, I vaguely wished my life was like that. Even if I didn't get to see my mother every day 24/7, at least I got to see her and spend quality time together. I wish my parents just divorced instead of lying and telling me she died.

I don't talk to my grandmother often but when I do she always talks about herself and her childhood. She barely ever even mentioned anything about Mom and I wonder if they told her not to. Did my father and mother tell grandma about their lie? Did she know too?

I just hope my mother can keep up with her end of our deal and won't continuously cross the boundaries that I put in place. I want to be able to move forward with her, I want her in my life, and when the time comes, I want her in my children's life. I would like for her and Hayden to get along and she can get to a point where doesn't continue to judge him for his problems.

I got a text from my dad this morning thanking me for taking the first steps to trying to build the relationship with my mother. Besides wanting to get to know her, I really did it for him. I wanted him to know that I was going to work towards his final wishes I wasn't going to be going through his death-whenever that was-alone.

Thinking of my father passing, I idly wonder about Hayden's dad. I know he was sick too, from that time Hayden told me he was dying and that he didn't really care. After everything his dad put him through I can't imagine he'd care an awful lot. I wonder if Erika would want to meet Damon after knowing everything he's done. Knowing Damon, he'd put on a show just for her, the way he did with me when I first met him.

"Who is this?" I hear Erika ask, holding a bowl of cereal while looking at the wall in Wes' apartment. I try not to get bugged over the fact that she isn't sitting at the table to eat. Hayden would never allow it, he would have yelled at her about it the way he did once before. She waved him off then telling him that they grew up differently, and sitting at a table isn't a thing for her.

I put my plate in the sink and join her in the living room to see what she was talking about. She was staring at the frames on the walls of Hayden and Wes and the one big family portrait of the four of them. "This is Wesley, Hayden's younger brother, and that is his mother and father."

"Wow, they're a beautiful family."

"Yes, beautiful and damaged."

"Do they live here?"

"No, they all live in London, Wesley comes here to visit occasionally, this is his condo that we're in right now."

"What happened to the house?"

"He sold it, he going to build a house soon."

"Wow. My mother's dream was to build a house, but she was never able to do it." I always feel guilty when Erika mention's her mother. I feel guilty for all the times I complained to my father, or all the times I felt ungrateful. Erika and her mother had a hard time after she was robbed of everything she once owned, and Damon the Demon denied being the father of their child and refused to give her any money. She had to start from scratch and wasn't able to give her daughter the life her birth father could have given her, but she did her best with what she had.